Category: engineers

An African chieftain flew to the United States to visit the president. When he
arrived at the airport, a host of newsmen and television cameramen met him. One
of the reporters asked the chief if he had a comfortable flight. The chief made
a series of weird noises….”screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle,
z-z-z-z-“…and then added in perfect English, “Yes, I had a very nice flight.”
Another reporter asked, “Chief, do you plan to visit the Washington Monument
while you’re in the area? The chief made the same noises…”screech, scratch,
honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z”…and then said, “Yes, and I also plan to visit
the White House and the Capitol Building.”
“Where did you learn to speak such flawless English?” asked the next reporter.

The chief replied, “Screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z…from the
short-wave radio.”

‘Taws the night before Y2K,
And all through the nation
We awaited The Bug,
The Millennium sensation.

The chips were replaced
In computers with care,
In hopes that old’ Buggy
Wouldn’t stop there.

While some folks could think
They were snug in their beds
Others had visions
Of dread in their heads.

And Ma with her PC,
And I with my Mac
Had just logged on the Net
And kicked back with a snack.

When over the server,
There arose such a clatter
I called Mister Gates
To see what was the matter.

But he was away,
So I flew like a flash
Off to my bank
To withdraw all my cash.

When what with my wandering eyes
Should I see?
My good old Mac
Looked sick to me.

The hack of all hackers
Was looking so smug,
I knew that it must be
The Y2K Bug!

His image downloaded
In no time at all,
He whistled and shouted,
Let all systems fall!

Go Intel! Go Gateway!
Now HP! Big Blue!
Everything Compaq,
And Pentium too!

All processors big,
All processors small,
Crash away! Crash away!
Crash away all!

All the controls
That planes need for their flights
All microwaves, trains
And all traffic lights.

As I drew in my breath
And was turning around,
Out through the modem,
He came with a bound.

He was covered with fur,
And slung on his back
Was a sackful of virus,
Set for attack.

His eyes-how they twinkled!
His dimples-how merry!
As midnight approached, though
Things soon became scary.

He had a broad little face
And a round little belly,
And his sack filled with virus
Quivered like jelly.

He was chubby and plump,
Perpetually grinning,
And I laughed when I saw him
Though my hard drive stopped spinning.

A wink of his eye,
And a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know
A new feeling of dread.

He spoke not a word,
But went straight to his work,
He changed all the clocks,
Then turned with a jerk.

With a twitch of his nose,
And a quick little wink,
All things electronic
Soon went on the blink.

He zoomed from my system,
To the next folks on line,
He caused such a disruption,
Could this be a sign?

Then I heard him exclaim,
With a loud, hearty cry,
Happy Y2K to all,
Kiss your PCs good-bye!

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbour call the local
township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign
on our road. The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer
wanted them to cross there.

Q: How was copper wire invented?

A: Two accountants were arguing over a penny.

Q: How many research technicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but it’ll probably take him/her three or four tries to get it right.

A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Departmental Manager were on
their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when
suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control
down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to
a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car’s occupants, shaken but unhurt,
now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no
brakes. What were they to do?

Departmental Manager: “Let’s have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a
Mission Statement, define some Goals and by a process of Continuous Improvement
find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way.”

Hardware Engineer: “No, that will take far too long and besides, that method
has never worked before. I’ve got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at
all I can strip down the car’s braking system, isolate the fault, fix it and we
can be on our way.”

Software Engineer: “Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back
up the road and see if it happens again.”

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a
great writer.

When asked to define “great” he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole
world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level,
stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!”

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a
small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says ” We’re having
mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3
of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can survive”

The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman takes a deep breath
and hollers “God Save The Queen” and jumps.

The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers “Viva La France” and he also
jumps.

This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers “Remember the Alamo” and
he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.

It is not conclusive yet, but the NASA believes the Mars Pathfinder has found
proof of life on Mars.
The cd player was stolen.

An exasperated caller to a computer Tech support couldn’t get her new computer
to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her
what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, “I pushed and
pushed on” this foot pedal and nothing happened”. The ‘foot pedal’ turned out to
be the computer’s mouse.

The Marine aboard ship was beyond seasick.
A Navy Corpsman said, “Can I get you something ?”
The young Marine replied, “How about an island ?”

1) You try to enter your password on the microwave.

2) You now think of three espressos as ”getting wasted.”

3) You haven’t played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years.

4) You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

5) You email your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and he
emails you back, ”What’s for dinner?”

6) Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site.

7) You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you
haven’t spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.

8) You didn’t give your wife a Valentine’s card this year, but you posted one
for your email buddies via a Web page.

9) Your daughter just bought CDs of all the worst records your college
roommate used to play.

10) Every commercial on television has a web site address at the bottom of the
screen.

11) You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date. And now sells for
half the price you paid.

12) The concept of using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a
purchase is foreign to you.

13) Cleaning up the dining area means getting the fast food bags our of the
backseat of your car.

14) Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not have
email addresses.

15) You consider second-day air delivery painfully slow.