A Marine and Navyman are in the bathroom together, and the Marine goes to leave without washing his hands.”Hey,” says the Navyman, “in the Navy they teach us to wash our hands.””In the Marines, they teach us not to piss on our hands.”
Category: dirty jokes
The girl who fell down the toilet
Q:what happened to the girl who fell down the toilet?
A:she joined the brownies
Why do walruses go to Tupperware parties?…
Why do walruses go to Tupperware parties?
– To find a tight seal!
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John and Susan
John receives a phone call.
“Hello,” he answers.
The voice on the other end says, “This is Susan. We met at a party about 3 months ago.”
John: “Hmm… Susan? About 3 months ago?”
Susan: “Yes, it was at Bill’s house. After the party you took me home. On the way we parked and got into the back seat. You told me I was a good sport.”
John: “Oh, yeah! Susan! How are you?”
Susan: “I’m pregnant and I’m going to kill myself.”
John: “Say, you ARE a good sport.”
Submitted by Yisman
Edited by Calamjo
Mama joke
your mamas so stupid she made fun of you and told you mama jokes!
Door-to-door
Three door-to-door vacuum-cleaner salesmen show up at a farmhouse one afternoon and the kindly farmer agreed to buy a vacuum from each if they’ll keep their hands off his Virginal daughter while he’s at the bank getting the money.
But when he gets back, he finds all three on top of his daughter. Irate, he fires a shotgun blast over their heads, marches them out to the garden and tells them each to pick TEN of any fruit or vegetable.
The first salesman comes forward with ten peas. “Shove them up you ass,” orders the farmer.
The second guy turns up with ten tomatoes and gets the same order. He has some trouble getting them in, especially as he keeps cracking up with laughter, but finally gets the job done.
“You’re free to go,” the farmer says to him, “but do you mind if I ask what’s so damn funny?”
Collapsing with laughter once again, the salesman says, “The third guy’s still out there, picking “Watermelons.”
NUN IN THE BATH
There is this Nun in the bath and she hears a knock at the door, Who is it? she says the reply is im the blind man can i come in? so she thinks for a moment and says yes you can come in.So the blind man walks in and and says NICE TITS WERE DO U WAN TME TO HANG THE BLIND?
Mayor of Spokane
Jim West, the mayor of Spokane, Washington, said I never masturbated in my office. … Even a former president of the United States can’t make that claim.
-Jay Leno
3 Boys
There were 3 boys called Zip Cock and Piss they were at school and their teacher went out the classroom to go to the loo. Zip Cock And Piss decided to annoy the teacher so Zip went on a shelf Cock went in a cuboard and Piss Just messed around the classroom.
their teacher went in and saw all 3 of them and shouted. ZIP DOWN! COCK OUT! PISS IN THE CORNER WITH THE DUNCE HAT ON!!!!
Old copper lamp
A farmer plows up an old copper lamp.
He takes the lamp back to his farm house and begins to polish it up when out pops a genie.
“Master,” says the genie, “I will grant you 3 wishes.”
The farmer thinks for a bit and then says, “I want a face as handsome as Elvis.”
“As you wish, master.”
BOOM! his face transforms into a very handsome face.
“Next, I would like you to fill my living room with money,” says the farmer.
“As you wish, master.”
BOOM! his living room fills with money.
The farmer thinks about his third wish, as he is thinking he looks out the window and begins to grin.
“Genie,” says the farmer, “Give me ‘one’ like the horse up on the hill.”
The genie also grins, “As you wish, master.”
BOOM! The farmer looks down to see a huge vagina form between his legs.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
Goth in a tree
Q. How do you get a Goth out of a tree?
A. Cut the rope.