Category: business

Nothing is ever as simple as it seems.

Mencken’s Law: There is always an easy answer to every human problem – neat, plausible, and wrong.

An original idea can never emerge from committee in its original form.

Remember the tea kettle; though up to its neck in hot water, it continues to sing.

The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish.

Astrology tells us about you and your future simply by your birthday. The Chinese Zodiac uses the year of your birth. Demographics tell us what you like, dislike, whom you vote for, what you buy and what you watch on television.
Well, the Corporate Zodiac goes a step further: simply by your job title, people will have you all figured out…

MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing – which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.

SALES: Laziest of all signs, often referred to as “marketing without a degree”, you are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with “customers” so you can “concentrate on the big picture”. You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.

TECHNOLOGY: Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are instead content to completely control everything that happens at your workplace. Often even YOU don’t understand what you are saying, but who the hell can tell?! It is written that the Geeks shall inherit the Earth.

ENGINEERING: One of only two signs that actually studied in school, it is said that ninety percent of all Personal Ads are placed by engineers. You can be happy with yourself: your office is typically full of all the latest “ergodynamic” gadgets. However, we all know what is really causing your “carpal tunnel”…

ACCOUNTING: The only other sign that studied in school, you are mostly immune from office politics. You are the most feared person in the organization; combined with your extreme organizational traits, the majority of rumors concerning you say that you are completely insane.

HUMAN RESOURCES: Ironically, given your access to confidential information, you tend to be the biggest gossip within the organization. Possibly the only other person that does less work than marketing, you are unable to return any calls today because you have to get a haircut, have lunch, AND mail a letter!

MIDDLE MANAGEMENT/ DEPARTMENT MANAGEMENT/ “TEAM LEADS”: Catty, cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other “Middle Managers”, as everyone in your social circle is a “Middle Manager”.

SENIOR MANAGEMENT: Catty, cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other “Senior Managers”, as everyone in your social circle is a “Senior Manager”.

CUSTOMER SERVICE: Bright, cheery, positive, you are a fifty-cent cab ride from taking your own life. As a child very few of you asked your parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset so you could pretend to play “Customer Service”. Continually passed over for promotions, your best bet is to sleep with your manager.

CONSULTANT: 666.

By the time you can make ends meet, they’ve moved the ends.

What happens when people of different occupations get old.- Old journalists never die, they just get de-pressed.- Old knights in chain mail never die, they just shuffle off their metal coils.- Old laser physicists never die, they just become incoherent.- Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.

A Barber commited a crime, and had to go before a judge. Since it was his first time the Judge only gave him a community service in his own field.

He must give free hair cuts for one month, and every time a customer asks how much for the hair cut, he has to explain his crime, and that this is his community service.

Anyway, he was happy, because anything beats the jail.

first day he gave a hair cut to a Florist, the florist asked, how much at the end, he replied, oh nothing…….explained the Judge’s order.

Next day when he came to open the shop, there was a bouquet of flowers and a thankyou card.

That day a person came who owned a chocolate shop, after the hair cut he too asked, how much? the barber said oh no charge because…….. Judge’s order.

Next day when he came to open his shop, he saw a box of chocolate and a thankyou card, That day he gave a hair cut to an East Indian, The East Indian asked how mucH? The barber said nothing because…….. Judge’s Order.

next day when he came to open the shop there was a line of East Indians waiting to get a hair cut.

Nowlan’s Theory: He who hesitates is not only lost, but several miles from the next freeway exit.

A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually. – Abba Eban

Progress is made on alternate Fridays.