Category: business

OK three people where in a plane. one was

Asian,Mexican and Ameircan the people had

the light the plane cause it was going to

crash

So the Asian throws a bag of rice then the

mexican guy throws a bag of flower and says

he has a lot of these in his country then

the Ameircan guy throws the mexican guy and

says i have a lot of these in my country.

Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.

The farther away the future is, the better it looks.

TRADITIONAL CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the band, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike because you want three cows.

JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty time the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowikimon and market them worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are… You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.

You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows… both are mad.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION

You have two cows… and the one on the left is kinda cute…

One time, Mark Bookspan was calculating his finances and he screwed it all up.

THINGS YOU’LL NEVER HEAR AN EMPLOYEE TELL HIS/HER BOSS10. Never introduce me to the people you’re with. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them. 11. Be nice to me only when the job I’m doing for you could really change your life. 12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it’s nice to know someone is less fortunate.

When they want it bad (in a rush), they get it bad.

Quality assurance doesn’t.

Sometimes too much drink is not enough.

Newlan’s Truism: An “acceptable” level of unemployment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.

This is the story of four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it. Consequently, it wound up that Nobody told Anybody, so Everybody blamed Somebody.

1. You�ve sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different companies.
2. Your company�s welcome sign is attached with Velcro.

3. Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.

4. Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose your best jokes.

5. You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet.

6. Salaries of the members on the Executive Board are higher than all the Third World countries� annual budgets combined.

7. You think lunch is just a meeting to which you drive.

8. It�s dark when you drive to and from work.

9. You see a good looking person and know it is a visitor.

10. Free food left over from meetings is your main staple.

11. Weekends are those days your spouse makes you stay home.

12. Being sick is defined as can�t walk or you�re in the hospital.

13. You�re already late on the assignment you just got.

14. You work 200 hours for the $100 bonus check and jubilantly say “Oh wow, thanks!”

15. Dilbert cartoons hang outside every cube.

16. Your boss’ favorite lines are “when you get a few minutes,” “in your spare time”, “when you’re freed up” and “I have an opportunity for you.”

17. Vacation is something you roll over to next year or a check you get every January.

18. Your relatives and family describe your job as “works with computers.”

19. The only reason you recognize your kids is because their pictures are hanging in your cube.

20. You read this entire list and understood it.