Excerpts from actual letters sent to landlordsOur lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces. The person next door has a large erection in his back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous. Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk? Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant.
Category: business
He who hesitates is not
He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit.
If at first you don’t
If at first you don’t succeed, well…darn.
Ignorance is bliss. No
Ignorance is bliss. No wonder I’m so depressed.
If an item is advertised
If an item is advertised as “under $50”, you can bet it’s not $19.95.
There are two ways to
There are two ways to slide easily through life: to believe everything or to doubt everything; both ways save us from thinking.
In order to get a
In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don’t need it.
The easiest way to find
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Sleeping on the job
Things To Say If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk 12. “I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!” 11. “This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!” 10. “I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance”
If there is a 50-50
If there is a 50-50 chance that something can go wrong, then 9 times out of 10 it will.
When all else fails, try
When all else fails, try the boss’s suggestion.
The farther away the future
The farther away the future is, the better it looks.