Category: blondes

Q: What did the blondes left leg say to the right?A: Nothing, they’ve never met.————–Q: What did the blondes lleft leg say to the other A: “We could make alot of movey between you and me!” (Second one submitted by Cassie.)

While on vacation the blonde sent home this postcard:

“Having a wonderful time. Where am I?

A bronzed, blonde male surfer type was visiting Boston to attend a friend’s wedding. Sitting at the bar at the reception, sucking up his fourth beer, he caught sight of a stunning brunette, whom he had noticed earlier in the church, as she came through the door. His eyes never left her until she was seated on the other side of the bar from him.

He got up, slowly walked around the bar to where she was sitting. After pausing on his approach for her to look over his magnificent tanned body, he recited one of his better lines and then bluntly asked if she wanted to ‘leave this dump’ and go to his hotel room to “Ya know, get to, like, know each other better.”

She rolled her eyes in disbelief, immediately responding with, “I’m afraid that my awareness of your proclivities regarding the esoteric aspects of sexual behavior precludes any such erotic confrontation.”

He stared blankly at her, somewhat stunned. After several seconds of embarassed silence, he finaly admitted, “Huh? I don’t get it!”

“Exactly!” she said as she got up, turned on her heel, and left, leaving him standing there in puzzlement.

Why do blondes like BMW’s? Cause they can spell it!

What’s the difference between a blonde and a pay phone?

You need a quarter to use the phone.

A redhead, a brunette and a blonde that were captured and ordered before the firing squad. The redhead was brought out, put on the stand and at the time when the squad leader yelled “Ready, aim…” she shouted “Tornado!” and pointed behind the firing squad. Everyone looked and she jumped down and ran away.

They brought out the brunette, put her up on the stand and when the squad leader yelled, “Ready, aim…” she pointed and yelled “Earthquake!”. When everyone stopped to look around, she ran away.

Finally, the firing squad brought the blonde out and when the squad leader yelled “Ready, aim…” she pointed and yelled “Fire!”

This blonde’s really dumb, and that’s what her husband thinks of
her,so one morning she gets up and thinks to herself “I’m gonna
prove to my husband I can do something good. Right, when he’s
gone I’m gonna paint the lounge.So off her husband goes to work
for the day and she gets to work painting the lounge.Well, when
her husband comes home that afternoon he opens the door and gets
this big whiff of a paint smell. “Oh no, what’s she done now?”
is his only thought as he walks to the lounge. He opens the
door,and there’s his wife,lying on the couch,with 2 big
fur coats on,sweating and shivering.He rushes over to her and
says, “honey, are you ok? What’s happened?” To which she
replies,”Yeah,I was all ready to paint the lounge and everything
and read the instructions and followed them. They said ‘For best
results, apply two coats.’

A helicopter flying in the air had a rope attached to it. There were twenty girls hanging onto the rope, nineteen of them were blondes, one of the was a brunette.
One of the blondes says, One of us is going to have to let go of the rope.
The brunette says, I will, and then she makes a sad speech about how much she will miss her family and friends.
The blondes were so moved they began to applaude.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You put her in a round room and tell her to sit in a corner.
Q: How does a blonde confuse you?
A: She comes out and says she did.

How do you drown a blonde?
Put a ‘scratch and sniff’ sticker at the bottom of the pool.

Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.

How do you get a twinkle in a blonde’s eye?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.

Why don’t blondes like making Raro juice from sachets?
Because they can’t fit eight cups of water in the packet.

Did you bear about the two blondes that were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theatre?
They went to see ‘Closed for Winter’.

Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.

What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
‘Look! They spelled Macy’s wrong.’

Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
To see what was on the other side.

How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

Why do blondes have ‘TGIF’ written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.

Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
Because it said concentrate.

Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.

How can you tell when a blonde sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.

What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run, she’s got a grenade in her mouth.

How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer?
There is white-out all over the monitor.

Why shouldn’t blondes have coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.

Three blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for four hours they finally saw a sign that said ‘Disneyland Left’ so they turned around and went home.

a blonde goes to a store and askes if she can bue a tv the owner says he dosnt sell to dumb blondes so she goes home and spray paints her hair red and asks if she can buy the tv and the owner says sorry i dont sell to dumb blondes so she goes to a butiy parler and dies her hair brown and gets a makeover to look totaly diffrent. she goes back to the store and says can i buy this tv and he says i dont sell to dumb blondes and she says how did u know it was me and the owner says thats not a tv its a toster

A blonde woman is walking down the street, with her blouse open.

A cop is approaching from about a block away, thinking, “Boy, my eyes must be going, it looks like that woman’s right breast is hanging out.”

As he gets closer it becomes apparent that her breast is hanging out.

When he gets face to face with her he says, “Ma’am, are you aware I could cite you for indecent exposure?”

She says, “Why, officer?”

“Well, your breast is hanging out.”

She looks down and says, “OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus!”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo