Category: blondes

A blonde decides to try horseback riding even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion.

It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse’s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse’s neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try to throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse’s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune… the Woolworth�s manager sees her and shuts the horse off.

Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One’s a brunette, one’s a redhead, and one’s a blonde.Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, “Ready . . . Aim . . .”Suddenly the brunette yells, “earthquake!!” Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, “Ready . . . Aim . . .”The redhead then screams, “tornado!!” Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . .”The blonde shouts, “fire!!”

Two factory workers were talking.

“I think I’ll take some time off from work.” said the man.

“How do you think you’ll do that?” said the blonde.

He proceeded to climb up to the rafters and hung from them
upside down.

The boss walked in, saw the worker hanging from the ceiling and asked him what on earth he was doing.

“I’m a light bulb,” answered the guy.

“I think you need some time off,” said the boss.

So, the man jumped down and walked out of the factory.

The blonde began walking out too.

The boss asked her where she thought she was going.

The blonde answered, “Home, I can’t work in the dark.”

A blonde was telling a priest a Pollock joke, when halfway through the priest interrupts her, “Don’t you know I’m Polish?”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” the blonde apologizes, “do you want me to start over and talk slower?”

There�s a blonde and a brunette in a elevator. And a man walks in with really
bad dandruff, so the brunette says “Someone should give him head and shoulders”
and the blonde reply�s “I know how to give head but how do you give shoulders?”

Frosted flakes

Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

One day, a young woman came into the doctor’s office,
complaining of some pain. The doctor asked her, “Where is this
pain?”

The woman replied, “Oh doctor, I hurt all over!”

The doctor looked at her and said, “Well, ‘all over’ is pretty
vague, could you be more specific?”

“It’s just all over,” the woman started. She touched her knee
with her index finger, “Ouch! That hurts!” Then she touched her
cheek with the same finger, “Ouch! That hurts too!” she cried.
And then she touched her ear lobe, “Ouch! You see? Even THAT
hurts!” She looked at the doctor, waiting for his diagnosis.

“Are you a natural blond?” inquired the doctor.

“Why, yes,” replied the blond, “why do you ask?”

“Ah ha!” returned the doctor, his look of confusion replaced
with confidence, “That explains it! You have a broken finger.”

The blonde complained to her friend, “I have a man I never could trust. Why, he cheats so much I’m not even sure this baby I’m carrying is his!”

A blonde and a brunette are sky-diving. The brunette jumps out of the plane and pulls the cord – nothing happens. She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing. The blonde jumps out of the plane and yells “Oh! So you wanna race, huh?”

How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?

Wave to her.

What goes vroooom screech vroooom screech vroooom screech?

A blode going through a flashing red light.