Category: blondes

Sally was painting her living room one hot day.
“Why”, her friend asked her,
“are you wearing two jackets?”.

“Because,” said the blonde, “The directions
on the can said to put on two coats.”

Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.

Q. How do you drown a blonde?
A1. Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
A2. Stick a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.

A blonde had just gotten back from her honeymoon and was cooking roast beef. Before she put it in the pan she cut off the end. Her husband asked her,”why do you do that?” “thats the way my mother did it,”the blonde replied.So they asked her mother who was also blonde why she cut the end off the roast beef,”thats the way my mother did it,”So they asked her mother who was also a blonde why she did it and she said, “because the pan was too small.”

A blonde says to a brunette, “Excuse me, but each time I sip my coffee, my eye seems to hurt.”

The brunette says, “Well, maybe you should take the spoon out of the cup.”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci

A blonde girl was talking to her brunette friend about her boyfriend’s dandruff problem.

The brunette says “Why don’t you give him Head and Shoulders?”

The blonde replies, “How do you give shoulders?”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

Two blondes were walking home one day, and suddenly it began to
rain. Luckily, a man driving a pickup truck stopped and offered
them a ride. He told them that there wasn’t room in the cab,
because he had two of his friends with him, but that they could
sit in the back with his dog and, although they would still get
wet, they would get home a lot quicker. The blondes agreed and
climbed in. The man started driving, but suddenly a little kid
ran in front of the truck, and the driver swerved, and the truck
plunged into a lake. The driver and his two friends struggled to
open the doors of the truck to get out before they drowned, and
when they reached the lake shore, they looked around for the two
blondes, but they were nowhere to be found. The driver saw his
dog had gotten out just fine, and wondered if the blondes had
gotten stuck under the water. Just as the man was about to jump
in the water to rescue them, the blondes both surfaced and swam
to the shore. Looking confused, the driver asked them what had
taken them so long. The blondes answered: “Well duh! We couldn’t
get out–the tailgate was stuck!!”

Question:
Why did the blonde take a ladder into the bar?

Answer:
She heard the drinks were on the house!

On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting
in the first class section and requested that she move to coach since she did
not have a first class ticket.
The blonde replied, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to New York, and I’m
not moving.”

Not wanting to argue with a customer the flight attendant asked the co-pilot
to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out
of the first class section.

Again, the blonde replied, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to New York,
and I’m not moving.”

The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do.

The captain said, “I’m married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this.”
He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde’s ear. She
immediately jumped up and ran to the coach section mumbling to herself, “Why
didn’t anyone just say so.”

Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her
that finally convinced her to move from her seat.

The pilot replied, “I told her the first class section wasn’t going to New
York.”

A depressed blonde decided to commit suicide by hanging herself from a tree, so she gathered together a few ropes and walked into the woods. When she got there she tied the ropes around the tree, and then around herself.

A few minutes later, a man walking his dog through the woods came across the blonde. He asked, �What on earth are you doing?�

The blonde replied, �I�m hanging myself!�

The man said, �So why is the rope tied around your stomach instead of round your neck?�

The blonde replied, �Well when I did that I couldn�t breathe!�

Q: What do blondes and spaghetti have in common?

A: They both wriggle when you eat them.

There is a red-headed women who walks into the doctors room and says “My entire body hurts no matter were I touch it hurts.” So the red-head started to touch herself everywhere to ahow the doctor that it hurt. The doctor went up yo the red-head and asked “Your a blonde arnt you?” the women replied “Yes.” the doctor said “Yea your finger is broken.