Category: blondes

Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?

A: She was run over by the Zambonis machine.

One day, three blondes were walking in a forest. They came upon
some tracks.They all had different opinions to what the tracks
belonged to.

1st blonde:”I think their dog tracks.”
2nd blonde:”I think their cow tracks.”
3rd blonde:”I think their deer tracks.”

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, “I’ve kidnapped you.”

She then wrote a note saying, “I’ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde.”

The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid’s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, “How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?”

An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice.
The doctor advised that she run 10 miles a day for 30 days.
This, he promised, would help her lose as much as twenty pounds.

The blonde follows the doctor’s advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she’d indeed lost twenty pounds.

She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results. At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question:

“How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?”

Why was there lipstick on the steering wheel of the blonde’s car?

Her boyfriend told her to blow the horn.

A blonde walks into an electronics store and asks the guy at the counter if she could buy this toaster, pointing to it. The guy sais No, because your blonde. So she comes back the next day after changing her hair colour. She asks if she cane buy a taster, pointing to it. The guy sais No, because your blonde. She does the same thing the next day and gets the same reply, so she asks the guy How can you tell im blonde? The guy sais Thats not a toaster, its a microwave!

A blonde was sitting down in a bar one day next to a red-head. Both of them were sitting there having a good time and then the news turned on.

The woman reporter shouted out “This just in! A man is at the edge of a cliff attempting to jump!”. Then the red-head leans over to the blonde and whispers, “I bet you $50 that the man’s gonna jump!” The blonde responds back “That’s a bet you have there!”.

So, both of the woman stared at the news waiting to know whats gonna happen. Then, the man jumps! The blonde turns around to the red-head and hands her the $50. The red-head feeling guilty said “I cant take that there money. I saw the news earlier this mornin’, i knew he was gonna jump off that there cliff.”

And the blonde says “Well, i did too! But i never would have thought that the man would do it again!”

Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?A: “Oh look! Donut seeds!”

A blonde named Nancy was putting a puzzle together, after hours
of confusion Nancy asked her husband Jason for help.

“It’s supposed to be a tiger”,she explained in frustration.

“Honey.”, replied Jason.”Put the frosted flakes back in the box.”

Q. Why was the blondes food always burnt?
A. Her timer was the smoke alarm!

221. What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla? Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do…

222. Did you here about the blonde that stayed up all night to see where the sun went ? It finally dawned on here.

223. A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said “DISNEYLAND LEFT”. After thinking for a minute, she said to herself “oh well !” and turned around an drove home.

On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said “CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES”. By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.

224. How about the suicide blonde, she dyed by her own hand.

225. A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, “Awww, look at the dead birdie”. The blonde stops, looks up, and says, “Where?”

226. A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over her. The blonde says, “Good thing I had my mouth open, or that would’ve hit me right in the face!!!” Or: “Good thing that cows don’t fly.”

227. A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she’d been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.

Cop: Do you know where you were going? Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad ’cause all the people were leaving.

228. A cop stops a blonde woman who was driving down a motorway. “Miss, may I see your driver’s licence please?”

“Driver’s licence? What’s that?…” “It’s a little card with your picture on it.”

“Oh, duh! Here it is…” “May I have your car insurance?”

“What’s that?…” “It’s a document that says you are allowed to drive the car.”

“Oh this? Duh! Here you go…” The cop then takes his dick out of his pants, while the blonde exclaims: “Oh no, not another breathalyzer test!”

229. Hubby: As a start I think you should learn to “iron”, then we could do without the ironing lady. Blonde Wife: Well if you would learn to Fuck me properly we could do without the gardener.

230. A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:

Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row! Blonde: That’s nothing; last night I had over a hundred.

Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good. Blonde: ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy.

What do you do if a blonde throws a granade at you?take the pin out and throw it back!————————————What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?Run like crazy, because she’s still got the granade!!!