Category: blondes

there was a blond who was putting together a puzle.she was verry frusterated because she couldent put it together so she decitedto ask her husband fore help. “its supost to be a tiger.”she said really frusterated. her husband said “put the corn flakes back in the box!!”

She was so blonde…She got stabbed in a shoot-out.She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind. She told me to meet her at the corner of ‘walk’ and ‘don’t walk’. She tried to put M&Ms in alphabetical order. She tried to drown a fish. She thought a quarterback was a refund. She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death. If you gave her a penny for intelligence, you’d get change back. They had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade. Under ‘education’ on her job application, she put ‘Hooked On Phonics.’ She tripped over a cordless phone. She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. At the bottom of the application where it says ‘sign here’, she put ‘Sagittarius.’ She asked for a price docket at the Dollar Store. If she spoke her mind, she’d probably be speechless. She studied for a blood test… and failed. She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center. She thought Meow Mix was a record for cats. She thought she needed a ticket to get on Soul Train. She sold the car for gas money. When she saw the ‘NC-17’ (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends. When she heard that 90 percent of all crimes occur around the home, she moved. She thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill. When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?In case she locks the keys in her car.

A brunet and a blonde walk into a bar to watch the six o’clock news.They look at the t.v. to see a clip of a woman threatning to throw herself off a bridge.The brunet turns to the blonde and says”I bet you twenty bucks she’ll jump!”So the blonde says “You’re on!”So they watch and eventually she jumps. So the blonde says”Okay her’s your twenty bucks.” and the brunet says”I can’t take it, i saw the news earlier that had the same story on” So the blonde says “Well yeah so did I but i didn’t think she’d jump again”

A man is driving in his car down a long road, by a field.
Suddenly, a hare (bunny rabbit) jumps out, and without being
able to swerve that quickly, he un-avoidably runs over the
innocent creature. He immediately pulls over to see the done
damage. So distressed that he has killed the hare, he begins to
cry…

Before he could even realize what had happened, a car had pulled
up behind his, and out gets a gorgeous, 5’10”, slender blonde.
She quickly gets out and asks “What is the matter?” and he told
her the story. She, without a single word, reached into her
purse, pulls out a can, opens it, and sprays the bunny all over
with it.

The man watches in awe, as the bunny jumps up on its feet, hops
ten times, looks back, and waves, hops ten times, looks back,
and waves, hops ten times, looks back, and waves… The hare
continues this until out of sight! The man then asked the blonde
“that’s incredible!!! What on earth is that miracle potion?!?!”

The blonde gives him the can, it reads “Salon Selectives Hair
Spray: Brings life back to dead hairs, adds bounce, and
permanent wave, Instantly”.

Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.

Q.how do you kill a blonde…….
A.put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottem of a filled pool

why was the blonde chewing on the fraidy-cats ankle?
Because she wanted a chicken leg!

How does a blonde hold her liquor?

By the ears.

There was this sherriff who was out and about on [atrol. He’s sitting on the side of the road when he sees a car swerving all over the road and going like a maniac. He gets up and pulls the car over. The driver winds down the road and says to the sherriff, “Yes?” The sherriff notices the driver is a gorgeous blonde woman. He’s tempted to let her go but he decides not to. He replies to her question, “What were you doing sriving like a maniac and swerving all over the road?” The blonde quickly replies, “Well Officer, I was driving along when a tree jumped out in front of me, so I swerved to miss it. Then another jumped out in front of me and I swerved to miss it. Then another-” The officer cuts her off and says, “Mam, there’s not a tree along this road for three miles. You’ve been dodging your air freshener swinging to and fro.”

Three blondes are sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones.

One is sucking hers, one is biting hers, one is licking hers.

Which one is married?

The one with the wedding ring.

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a computer?

A: A blonde won’t accept a 3.5″ floppy.