Category: blondes

How to get Soft Skin

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A blonde reads that if you bathe in milk, it makes your skin beautiful.

So the next morning she leaves a note for the milkman, “Leave me 115 quarts of milk.”

The next morning milkman reads this and thinks I better double check on this.

He rings the bell and here is this beautiful blond with great complexion and tiny waist, he asks her if this is right.

She replies, “Yes it’s good to bathe in milk.”

The milkman then asks her if she wants it pasteurized.

She answers, “Oh no, just past my neck would be fine!”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Everybody

50 Comments by Blondes During Sex

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1. But everybody looks funny naked!
2. You woke me up for that?
3. Did I mention the video camera?
4. Do you smell something burning?
5. (In the back seat of a car) and they say romance is dead…
6. Try breathing through your nose.
7. A little rug burn never hurt anyone!
8. Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?
9. Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?
10. But whipped cream makes me break out.
11. Person 1: This is your first time. Right? Person 2: Yeah.. Today.
12. (In the No Tell Motel) hurry up! This room rents by the Hour!
13. Can you please pass me the remote control?
14. Do you accept Visa?
15. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
16. On second thought, let’s turn off the lights.
17. And to think I was really trying to pick up your friend!
18. So much for mouth-to-mouth.
19. (Using body paint) Try not to leave any stains, okay?
20. Hope you’re as good- looking when I’m sober…
21. (Holding a banana) It’s just a little trick I learned at the zoo!
22. Do you get any premium movie channels?
23. Try not to smear my make-up, will you!
24. You look younger than you feel..
25. Got any penicillin?.
27. Smile, you’re on Candid Camera!
28. I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!
29. I want a baby!
30. So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies!
31. (In a manage a trios) Why am I doing all the work?
32. Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth…
33. Did you know the ceiling needs painting?
34. I think you have it on backwards.
35. When is this supposed to feel good?
36. Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs!
37. You’re good enough to do this for a living!
38. Is that blood on the headboard?
39. Did I remember to take my pill?
40. Are you sure I don’t know you from somewhere?
41. I wish we got the Playboy channel…
42. That leak better be from the waterbed!
43. I told you it wouldn’t work without batteries!
44. But my cat always sleeps on that pillow.
45. Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed?
46. If you quit smoking you might have more endurance.
47. No, really… I do this part better myself!
48. Its nice being in bed with a woman I don’t have to inflate!
49. This would be more fun with a few more people.
50. You’re almost as good as my ex!

Head and Shoulders

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A blonde and a brunette enter an elevator at their apartment
building. They are joined by a handsome guy. Built, nice butt,
you get the point. Anyway, the brunette notices the man has
dandruff, but she doesn’t say anything until he gets off. She
then turns to the blonde and says, “He needs Head and
Shoulders.” The blonde replies, “How do you give shoulders?”

Blonde Q&A

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Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted !

Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: Alone.

Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.

Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.

Q: How does a blonde part their hair?
A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart)
A2: By doing the splits.

Q: Why aren’t blondes good cattle herders
A: Because they can’t even keep two calves together!

Q: What did the blonde’s right leg say to the left leg?
A: Nothing. They’ve never met.

Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that’s where you’re supposed to wash vegetables!

Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.

Q: Why didn’t the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A1: She’d just dyed her hair.
A2: She’d just blow dried her hair and she didn’t want it blown
around too much.

Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.

Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.

Q: What was the blonde psychic’s greatest achievment?
A: An IN-body experience!

Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: They both get fucked up when they’re on their back.

Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a
recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?
A: Put either of ’em in a car and the’re fucked.

Q: What’s a blonde’s favorite nursery rhyme ?
A: Humpme Dumpme.

Job interview

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A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer decides to start with the basics. “So, miss, can you tell us your age, please?”
The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before replying “Ehhhh .. 22!”.
The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. “And can you tell us your height, please?”.
The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces “Five foot two!”.
This isn’t looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics. “And ehh, just to confirm for our records, your name please?”
The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying “Mandy!”.
The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks “Just out of curiosity, miss. We can understand your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing when we asked you your name?”
“Ohh that!”, replies the blonde, “That’s just me running through ‘Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you….’ “