Category: bill clinton

q: how does bill clinton say, “f*** you”?
a: “trust me�.

The paper back version of President Clinton’s book came out and in it Clinton admits that the hard cover version may have been too long.

Yeah Clinton admits his mistake in a new 200 page introduction.”

-Conan O’Brien

Clinton is out jogging around in some of the seedier areas of Washington D.C. He notices a good looking prostitute.

She sees this and calls out “Fifty dollars!” He’s tempted, but the price is a little high so he calls back “Five!” She’d disgusted and turns away and Bill continues his jog.

A few days later, he finds himself jogging in the same area and as
luck would have it, the prostitute is still there. But she won’t come down on her price.

“Fifty!” she shouts and Bill answers her “Five!” No sale.

About a week later, Hillary has decided that she wants to get into
shape so she demands to go jogging with Bill.

They get to the seedy part of town and the same prostitute is still there.

She eyes Bill and Hillary together and yells “See what you get for five dollars!”

WASHINGTON D.C. (Rooters) Incredibly, it now appears that over the last five years the White House actually issued these official knee-pads to all female interns between the ages of 18 and 29.’It’s something we haven’t seen since the Kennedy Administration,’ Landford Phlegm, official White House historian, said yesterday. ‘What a guy! It only proves he isn’t in it to meet heads of state.’But since the scandal broke, the White House has sought to rid itself of its surplus. ‘We had several hundred pair on hand,’ one aide reported. ‘Enough to last until the year 2000. Well — almost enough.’

The FBI finally came back with the DNA results.
Clinton was a perfect match.
So was all of Arkansas.

What is Monica Lewinsky’s favorite instrument?
Well, she’s pretty good on the skin flute, but she really sucks on the organ.

Q: Why did Clinton cut his vacation short in the interests of dikes?
Levees and rain showers?
A: He thought he was going to the Midwest for lesbians, taxes, and Soaking
people.

Why does Monica Lewinsky refuse to play golf?

She is sick and tired of getting hit in the head with Bill’s balls.

Asked about his views on euthanasia, Clinton replied, “Youth in Asia are just
like kids everywhere else.”

President Clinton and his wife are at the first baseball game of the season. At the start of the game the pitcher comes up in the stands and whispers something in Clinton’s ear.

All of a sudden Clinton looks at Hillary and yells, “Okay, Hillary, GET OUT!”.

She looks surprised but leaves.

The pitcher looks at Clinton and says, “No, I said to throw out the first PITCH!”

They had a thing down town yesterday. Some idiots were putting up a seventeen-ton popsicle.

So for one day only the coldest thing in New York was not Hillary Clinton.

-David Letterman

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said the Iranian election was invalid and the winner was no friend to democracy.

To which Al Gore said, ‘Hey, tell me about it.’

-Jay Leno