Category: bill clinton

What was Arafat’s Advice to Clinton?
Goats don’t talk.

The president is awakened during the night by an urgent call from the Pentagon.

�Mr. President,� the general says, �there�s good news and there�s bad news.�

�Oh no,� the president sighs. �Well, go ahead, give me the bad news first.�

�The bad news, sir, is that we�ve been invaded by creatures from another planet.�

�Dear God!� the president exclaims. �And the good news?�

�The good news,� the general says, �is that they eat reporters and piss oil.�

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo

What does Clinton have in common with a Timex watch?
It takes a Licking and keeps on decking.

Clinton, Jefferson, and Lincoln were on the Titanic with their wives. When it started sinking, Clinton grabbed the other two men and they all got onto a life boat. Jefferson says to them, “Should wait for the women?” Lincoln replies, “Ah, screw em!”Clinton then says ,”Do you think we’ll have time?”

What�s Clinton favorite place in the White House?
The Oval Orifice.

Q: Why can’t Bill Clinton file a defamation of character suit against his
critics?
A: Because Bill Clinton has no character to defame.

Know how Monica conceals evidence?
She keeps her mouth shut!

What does Bill Clinton say to Hillary Clinton after having sex?
“I will be home in 20 minutes, dear.”

Q: Why is Bill Clinton the living proof of reincarnation?
A: Because no one could get this stupid in one lifetime.

Both Clinton and the Pope die, but there is a mix up. Clinton went to heaven and the Pope gets sent to hell.

The Pope explains the situation to the hell administration, they check their paperwork, and the error is acknowledged. They explain, however, that it will take about 24 hours to process the paperwork and make the switch.

The next day, the Pope is called in and the hell administration bids him farewell and he heads for heaven. On the way up, he meets Clinton on the way down, and they stop to chat.

Pope: Sorry about the mix up.

Clinton: No problem.

Pope: I’m really excited about going to heaven.

Clinton: Why’s that?

Pope: All my life I’ve wanted to meet the Virgin Mary.

Clinton: You’re a day late.

Who’s paying for Monica’s new lawyers?
Wannabe president, Al Gore.

Do you know why Bill Clinton doesn’t use bookmarks?
Because he likes to bend pages.