Category: bill clinton

Clinton, distraught and contemplating his latest scandal was walking through Washington looking for any kind of guidance. He walks up to the Washington Monument, looks up and says, ‘George, you were always wise, what should I do?’ Low and behold, a voice comes down from above and says, ‘ABOLISH THE I.R.S. AND START OVER.’ Clinton, amazed that he is talking to the past President thinks he’ll try it again. He walks over to the Jefferson Memorial and utters the same request. ‘Thomas, you never had these kind of problems, what can I do to rally people behind me?’ Again a voice from above answers, ‘WELFARE, ITS NOT WORKING, ABOLISH IT, START OVER.’ After hearing this Clinton is so excited he is planning to go to all the historic sites for guidance. Next he goes to the Lincoln Memorial. ‘Abe, I need your help, people are losing confidence in me and they no longer trust me what should I do?’After a substantial pause Abe responds, ‘TAKE THE DAY OFF GO TO THE THEATER.’

Monica Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she found a lantern washed up on
the shore. She started to rub it and out popped a genie.

“Oh goodie, now I will get three wishes!” she exclaimed.

“No,” said the genie, “You have been very bad this year, and because of this,
I can only give you one wish.”

“Let’s see,” says Monica, “I don’t need fame, because I have plenty of that
due to all of the media coverage. And I don’t need money, because after I write
my book, and do all my interviews, I’ll have all the money I could ever want. I
would like to get rid of these love handles, though. Yes, that’s it, for my one
wish I would like my love handles removed.”

“Poof!”

And just like that… her ears were gone.

How Bill Clinton is spending his last days in office…
�Bitch Slapping Al Gore every time he blabs about restoring “dignity” and
“integrity�.
�Showing George W. Bush around the White House and introducing him to his new
employees.
�Getting drunk and then bragging how he convinced America that oral sex didn’t
count as sex.
�Planting hidden web cams throughout White House for his new 24-hour reality
website.
�Apartment hunting in NYC just in case Hillary isn’t joking about “getting her
groove back�.
�Surfing EBAY in attempt to get Lewinsky’s stained dress back.
�Helping Hillary on her campaign so he’ll get the new house all to himself and
make up for all those lost bong hits.
�At George W. Bush’s request: cleaning the stains under his desk.

When did Bill Clinton go to Victoria’s Secret?
When the panties were half off!

What did Monica say when the FBI ask for the Dress?
Come and get it.

Q: Why did Bill Clinton fire Joyce Elders?
A: Because he failed her masturbation course!

Monica went up to the pharmacist and stated, “I need to buy condoms.”

The pharmacist looked up and asked, “Shall I put it on your bill?”

“No, thanks,” Monica responded. “I prefer to put them on him myself.”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited Glaci

One night, George Washington�s ghost in the White House awakened Bill Clinton.

Clinton saw him and asked, “George, what is the best thing I could do to help
the country?” “Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,” advised
George.
The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom.
“Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?” Clinton asked.
“Cut taxes and reduce the size of government,” advised Tom.
Clinton didn’t sleep well the next night, and saw another figure moving in the
shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln’s ghost. “Abe, what is the best thing I could do
to help the country?” Clinton asked. “Go to the theatre.”

Mr. John Hinckley
St. Elizabeth’s Hospital
Washington D.C.

Dear John,

Hillary and I wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased we
are with the great strides you are making in your recovery. In our
Country’s new spirit of understanding and forgiveness we want you to know
there is a bilateral consensus of compassion and forgiveness abroad
throughout the land.

Hillary and I want you to know that no grudge is born against you for
shooting President Reagan. We, above all are aware of how the mental
stress and pain could have driven you to such an act of desperation.
Hillary and I are confident that you will soon make a complete recovery and
return to your family to join the world again as a healthy and productive
young man.

Best wishes,
Bill Clinton

P.S. Guess you heard Ken Starr is having an affair with Jodie Foster.

This test only has one question, but it’s a very important one.

Please don’t answer it without giving it some serious thought.

By giving an honest answer you will be able to test where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation, where you will have to make a decision one way or the other.

Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous.

Please scroll down slowly and consider each line this is important for the test to work accurately.

You’re in Florida, USA…In Miami, to be exact… There is great chaos going on around you, caused by a hurricane and severe floods.

There are huge masses of water all over you. You are a CNN photographer and you are in the middle of this great disaster.

The situation is nearly hopeless.

You’re trying to shoot very impressive photos.

There are houses and people floating around you, disappearing into the water.

Nature is showing all its destroying power and is ripping everything away with it.

Suddenly you see a man in the water, he is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken away by the masses of water and mud.

You move closer.

Somehow the man looks familiar.

Suddenly you know who it is, it’s George W. Bush!
At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him away, forever.

You have two options.

You can save him or you can take the best photo of your life.

So you can save the life of George W. Bush, or you can shoot a Pulitzer prize winning photo, a unique photo displaying the death of one of the world’s most powerful men.

And here’s the question (please give an honest answer):

Would you select color film, or would you rather go with the simplicity of classic black and white?

Submitted by sai1ram
Edited by Curtis