Category: bill clinton

Bill Clinton and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when
all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly. Bill told his driver to go
up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About 1 hour
later Bill sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in
one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn. “What
happened to you”, asked Bill. Well, the Farmer gave me the wine; his wife gave
me the Cigar and his 19-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me. “My
God, what did you tell them”, asks Clinton. The driver replies, “I’m Bill
Clinton’s driver, and I just killed the pig”.

Osama bin Laden has a heart attack and dies.

He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

“I don’t know what to do here,” the devil says. “You’re on my list, but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I’ll tell you what I’m going to do…

I’ve got a couple of people here who weren’t quite as bad as you. I’ll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I’ll even let YOU decide who leaves.”

Osama thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil led him into the first room.

In it was Manuel Noriega and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty-handed. Over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell.

“No,” bin Laden said, “I don’t think so. I’m not a good swimmer and I don’t think I could do that all day long.”

So the devil led him to the next room. In it was the Ayatollah Khomeini with a sledgehammer and a huge pile of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

“No, I’ve got this problem with my shoulder. I’d be in constant agony if all I did was break rocks all day,” bin Laden commented.

So the devil opened a third door. In it, bin Laden saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was his girl Monica, doing what she does best. Osama bin Laden stared in disbelief and finally said, “Yeah, I can handle this.”

The devil smiled and said, “OK, Monica, you’re free to go.”

They asked 75,000 women in America would they like to sleep with
Bill?
99% said: NEVER AGAIN!

President Bush is in the hot seat over Iraqi pre-war intelligence.

Remember the good ol’ days when the only thing the president was trying to cover up was a stain?

—Craig Kilborn

Q: Why do liberals travel in threes?
A: One to read, one to write and the other one to keep an eye on both
intellectuals.

Q: How can you tell when Bill Clinton is lying?
A: Only a Bill Clinton supporter is too dumb to know the answer to this one.

Why do political sex scandals always seem to involve Democrats?

Who would risk their career for a piece of elephant?

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo

What’s the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky’s mouth?

One U.S. leader.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo

When Chelsea Clinton was young she walked in on her mom getting out of the
shower. Pointing to her chest she asked her “What are those?”

Hiliary’s response was “Oh honey, those are my breasts.”

Chelsea asked “Will I get breasts?”

“Yes, when you’re older.” said Hillary.

A day or two later Chelsea walked in on her dad getting out of the shower.
Pointing towards his penis, she asked “What’s that?”

Bill responded “Oh honey, that’s my penis.”

Chelsea asked “Will I get a penis?”

Bill responded, “Yes, when your mother leaves.”

What’s Monica Lewinsky’s favorite boxing move?

– “The Low Blow”

President Bush had his annual physical.

The good news is he is in great shape, amazing shape.

They said his heart beat at rest is down from 52 beats a minute to 47 beats per minute. Which is pretty impressive when you think that Dick Cheney sometimes doesn’t have a heart beat at all.

-Jay Leno

Q: Why is Bill Clinton diverting federal funds from improving schools to
improving jails?
A: Because when his term is through, he won’t be going to school.