Category: bill clinton

What did Ms. Lewinsky was allegedly say when offered a position at the U.N?
Would that, then, be a “missionary position?”

Q: Why was Roger Clinton’s wedding delayed 5 days?
A: The bride’s father had to wait 5 days to buy the shotgun.

Sung by Bill Clinton, this has his applogy speach and his song to the tune of Elton John’s “Don’t let the sun go down on me” –I let an intern go down on me 1.3 MB (wav file)Note: Our send this joke to a friend utility doesn’t transmit the song, but if you see this in an email, just click on the link!

A woman always wanted an expensive car: a status symbol to drive around and be
seen in. she scrimps and saves, goes to the bmw dealer, and plops down several
years’ income for a brand new state-of-the-art, computer enhanced, kick-ass,
dream mobile.
she’s driving off, decides she wants some music and searches for the radio.
the dashboard looks like a control panel at nasa. she fiddles with this button,
that gizmo… jiggles these and those, but finally gives up. can’t find the
damned thing.
furious, she races back to the dealership and screams at the salesman. she
tells him they forgot to install the radio. he assures her it’s right there in
front of her. “it’s hooked into the onboard computer.
all you have to do is tell it what you want.” he demonstrates: “classical,” he
says. “click” the car fills with the sounds of paganini. “blues,” she says, and
“click” a b.b. king classic plays. she drives off amazed. “country,” she says,
and “click” a garth brooks tune comes on. “folk” and “click” joan baez sings
about the night they drove ol’ dixie down. “new age” and “click” yanni at the
acropolis snaps on.
she’s so captivated by this new toy that she isn’t paying much attention to
the road. another driver runs a light and cuts her off. “a******!!!” she
screams. “click” “ladies and gentlemen, the president of the united states….

Q: What are the two worst things about Bill Clinton?
A: His face

Q:What do you call Bill Clinton’s Office? A:The Oral Office. By Chad Zimmermann

Clinton’s team of advisors has offered the following defense: Clinton NEVER
told Lewinsky to lie in disposition! He told her to lie in THIS Position….

How did Bill reply regarding questions of “coaching” Monica’s testimony?
“It wasn’t words I put in her mouth.”

Q: What did Bill Clinton say to Paula Jones?
A: I told you to lick my erection! Not wreck my election!

President Bush and Russian President Putin discussed a plan to create a permanent cease fire in the Middle East.

And if it works there they are going to try it on the Hollywood Freeway.

Is this what programmers call an ‘Easter Egg’ or are there forces in the universe even stranger than this weeks X-Files episode? 1. Open Microsoft Word 2. Type in: I’d like Bill Clinton to resign 3. Highlight entire phrase 4. Click TOOLS / LANGUAGE / THESARUS or [SHIFT-F7]You should see: “I’ll drink to that”If you don’t believe me check it out for yourself!

Q: Why is Hillary suing Bill for divorce?
A: Because he’s doing to everybody what he should only be doing to her.