Category: bill clinton

Q: Why does Hillary have a big mouth?
A: She likes to eat bl** whales.

Q: What is the Arkansas state flower?
A: Gennifer

Q: How many people work in civil service under Bill?
A: Maybe one in ten.

What does Teddy Kennedy have that Bill Clinton wishes he did?
A dead girlfriend.

President Clinton opened doors for future presidents. Now not only will there
be a First Lady and First Children, but also First Ho.

Why did Bill Clinton cross the road?

– His dick was stuck in the chicken.

Bill Clinton is sitting next to a White House intern one day at a gathering.

The President says to her, “Would you like to come to the Oval office and see my clock?”

She says, “No, Mr. President, I don’t think so.”

The President replies, “Please. I’d really like to show it to you.”

“No, Mr. President, I really can’t.”

“Come on. Come and see my clock. It’ll only take a minute.”

“All right. If it won’t take long.”

They go to the Oval Office. The President sits down, unzips his pants, and pulls out his dick.

The intern says, “That’s not a clock, it’s a cock.”

To which the President says, “If you put two hands and a face on it, it’s a clock, sweetheart.”

Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis and Yisman

Who are the three most dangerous women in Washington?
1.Monica Lewinsky with a lawyer
2.Hillary Clinton with a theory
3.An intern with a chipped tooth

Linda Tripp and and Ken Starr were cruising along a country road one
evening when a cow ran in front of the car. Ken tried to avoid it but
couldn’t.

The cow was killed.

Linda told Ken to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what
happened. About an hour later he staggered back to the car with his
clothes in total disarray. He was holding a bottle of wine in one hand, a
cigar in the other and smiling happily.

“What happened?” asked Linda.

“Well,” Ken shyly replied “the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me
the cigar, and their beautiful daughter made mad passionate love to me.”

“My God, what did you tell them?” asked Linda.

The driver replied: “That I was giving Linda Tripp a ride, and I just
killed the cow.”

When Chelsea Clinton was young she walked in on her mom getting out of the
shower. Pointing to her chest she asked her “What are those?”
Hilary�s response was “Oh honey, those are my breasts�.
Chelsea asked, “Will I get breasts?”
“Yes, when you’re older.” said Hillary.
A day or two later Chelsea walked in on her dad getting out of the shower.
Pointing towards his penis, she asked, “What’s that?”
Bill responded “Oh honey, that�s my penis.”
Chelsea asked, “Will I get a penis?”
Bill responded, “Yes, when your mother leaves�.

The President swore to the sky
He’d never asked someone to lie
but the chance was then missed
To request that he list
Positions he’d told them to try.
There once was a young prez named Billy
Who had much too much fun with his willy
It was Monica’s tongue
that started the fun
Now the last act is all up to Hillary.
A sneaky informant named Tripp
Provided her fans with this tip:
“Hot scandals may hover
behind a case cover
and other things men can unzip.”
A D.A. who’d just passed the bar
Told Monica, “Come as you are.
There’s no need to dress.
We don’t want to mess
with evidence you can show Starr.”
A right-wing spin-doctor who’s spun
Lurid tales about Monica’s fun
exclaimed when his eyes
saw the fruit of his lies
“We’ve gotten O.J. off Page One!”
The President having seen action
thought he’d had full satisfaction
then the news of the day
and an urge made him say,
“I want to retract my retraction.”
They wanted to put Bill in jail
for using his house to chase tail
but the judge wasn’t fooled
saw no crime so he ruled:
“Not guilty! He didn’t inhale.”
Said a President thought to give pecks
to areas other than necks
“Although it’s most sultry
it isn’t adultery
I’m not even sure that it’s sex.”
They set up a partisan sting
About Clinton’s adulterous fling
It’s the economy, stupid!
So forget about cupid
but the media know sex is king.
They said it was the worst of slimes.
He said, “It is the best of times.
The economy is up.
I’ve got myself a new pup.
Have I committed some crimes?”
She egged him on with her charms,
and wriggled right into his arms.
She promised him bliss
With her first little kiss
Then Linda Tripped the alarms.
The country, when asked about Bill,
Said, We’d rather pick one who will
Be true to his mate
Not create Zippergate
But who is like that on the Hill?
An intern not yet twenty-six
Found she could work wonders with dicks
Though she had no spouse
She found the White House
A place to perform all her tricks.

1.To avoid confusion, the staff reverts to referring to Madeleine Albright by
name.
2.New �doggy door� makes it easier to sneak out for a midnight run to
McDonalds.
3.At long last, the President doesn’t have to flinch every time he hears �bad
boy!�
4.The President is no longer the only one accused of burying his bone in
someone else’s back yard.
5.Accusations of crotch sniffing at the White House no longer automatically
implicate the President.
6.An obviously angry Socks the Cat sent Kenneth Starr a note reading �Bil kilt
Vyns Fosdr.�
7.Shouts of �come!� from the Lincoln bedroom no longer make the First Lady
suspicious.
8.Pipe and slipper retrieval removed from Al Gore’s daily to-do list.
9.Roger Clinton is no longer the only one to piddle in the Rose Garden.
10.Cries of �what a dog!� no longer make Janet Reno burst into tears at White
House functions.
11.To the embarrassment of trainers, the dog still can’t tell Al Gore from a
tree.
12.�Get that horny fur ball off my leg!� no longer refers exclusively to the
President.
13.Campaign donors staying overnight in the Lincoln Bedroom now find
complimentary �Tootsie Rolls� on their pillows.