Category: bill clinton

Q: What do Hillary Clinton and the Dallas Cowboys have in common?
A: They both dominate Bills.

Bill Clinton dies and is sent to the devil in hellThe devil tells him that he will shpw Clinton all the different kinds of torutre they have in hell and he gives Clinton the chance to choose his own punishment.There are many windows as they walk along and Clinton looks at all the suffering and torture inn each one.In one of them, there’s a lady burning in fireIn another, there’s a man being ironedIn another there are 2 men cutting eachother’s dicks offThen they come to another window where Clinton is shocked.. Inside, Monica Lewinsky is giving A Big Fat Ugly man a blow job Clinton cannot believe this is actually a punishment, but he keeps his mouth shut…and tells the devil that this is the punishment he wants..So the devil says ok and they go in…as Bill gets ready the devil says: “Ok Monica, your punishment is over now, you may leave!”–Ebru

A man dies and goes up to heaven. He sees the pearly gates and St. Peter.
“Welcome to heaven. I’ll guide you to your house.” says Peter. So they walk
through a court yard full of clocks. A lot of clocks. “What�s with all the
clocks?” asked the man. “These are the clocks of all the people in the world.
Every time they lie, it jumps one minute in the future of their life. Here, let
me show you.” Peter moves over to a clock. “This is Jack, a car salesman, any
moment, his clock will jump.” Sure enough, about 3 seconds later it moved a
minute forward. So they keep walking, and the man is seeing all his friend and
family’s clocks. He gets to his house and asks Peter, “Where is President
Clinton’s Clock?” “Didn’t you see it? Look up. We use it as a ceiling fan!”

Hey did you hear that the president’s plane got stuck in mud? The stewardess
fell right off his lap.

What was yesterday’s Washington Post headline?

Bush finally defeats Clinton.

Did you hear that Certs signed on Monica Lewinsky as a spokesperson?
Her new slogan is “It’s the perfect cover up!”

What does Ted Kennedy have that Bill Clinton wishes he had??

An ex-wife and a dead girl friend.

How are Bill and Monica different?
One won’t come clean and the other won’t clean cum.

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Don Juan were having a terrible fight. “I am
the most beautiful person in the world,” proclaimed Sleeping Beauty. “No, you’re
not�, answered Don Juan and Tom Thumb. “I am the smallest person in the world,”
shouted Tom Thumb. “No, you’re not,” said Sleeping Beauty and Don Juan. “I’ve
had more lovers than any person in the world,” announced Don Juan. “No, you
haven’t” replied Tom Thumb and Sleeping Beauty. Well, they decided that if the
three were to get along, they needed a mediator, and decided that Merlin,
clearly the smartest person in the world, would be ideal. Merlin agreed and
summoned them all to his palace, where he announced he would meet with them one
at a time. Sleeping Beauty went in first and not a minute later came out beaming
“I am the most beautiful person in the world, Merlin said so�. In went Tom Thumb
and out he came as quickly as had Sleeping Beauty: “I am the smallest person in
the world, Merlin agrees.” In goes Don Juan and in he stays, a half hour, an
hour, an hour and a half later. Finally, he emerges distraught, muttering, “Who
the hell is Bill Clinton?”

Bill Clinton and his driver are in a hurry, so they are speeding past several farms. On their way past one of the farms Bill’s driver hits a pig. He stops the car and decides he had better tell the owners.Bill waits in the car all night and the driver doesn’t come back until the next morning. Bill says, “what did they do to you?” The driver replies, “they gave me a good meal and they told me to sleep with their daughter. They tried to give me fruit for the road, but I had to say no. ” Bill says, Wow! What did you say to them? The driver replies, All I said was “I’m Bill Clinton’s driver and I killed the pig.”

A bus of politicians is driving by a farm where a man lives alone.

The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery, loses control and crashes into the ditch. The man comes out and finding the politicians, buries them.

The next day, the police are at the farm questioning the man.

“So you buried all the politicians?” asked the police officer. “Were they all dead?”

To which the man replied, “Some said they weren’t, but you know how politicians lie.”

Q: What’s the difference between Hillary Clinton and a pit bull?
A: The pit bull doesn’t carry a briefcase.