Category: bill clinton

What is Clinton’s number one training exercise for interns?
Tongue Twisters…

Pretend there was an incident much like the Clinton/Lewinsky happening, between a member of the legislative branch, and a state senator. When Bill Clinton hears about the misdemeanor, what does he say?Close, but no cigar.

Q: What’s the difference between Bill Clinton and a gigolo?

A: A gigolo can only screws one person at a time.

Q: What do you get when you cross Bill Clinton with a gorilla?
A: Who knows? There is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do.

Why does the presidential limo have tilt steering?
More head room.

A guy is sitting at a bar and orders a drink. At the same time the TV go’s on and there is Bill Clinton about to give a speech.

The man yells,” There’s a horses ass”

A guy gets up and punches him..

Then when Hilary Clinton came on he said the same, “There’s a horses ASS..

He then got punched again.. So he says to the bartender, “What is this Clinton country..”

The bartender says no, “Horse country”

Mr. John Hinckley St. Elizabeth Hospital Washington DC Dear John:Hillary and I wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in your recovery. In our country’s new spirit of understanding and forgiveness we want you to know there is a bilateral consensus of compassion and forgiveness abroad throughout the land.Hillary and I want you to know that no grudge is born against you for shooting President Reagan. We, above all are aware of how the mental stress and pain could have driven you to such an act of desperation. Hillary and I are confident that you will soon make a complete recovery and return to your family to join the world again as a healthy and productive young man.Best wishes, Bill Clinton P.S. Ken Starr is sleeping with Jodie Foster

President Clinton’s Depositionby Dr. SeussStarr-I-Are.I’m here to ask,As you’ll soon see…Did you gropeMiss Lewinsky?Did you grope herIn your house?Did you gropeBeneath her blouse?I did not do thatHere or there…I did not do thatAnywhere!I did not do thatNear or far…I did not do thatStarr-you-are!Did you smile?Did you flirt?Did you peekBeneath her skirt?And did you tellThe girl to lieWhen called uponTo testify?I do not like youStarr-you-are…I think that youHave gone too far!I will not answerAny more…Perhaps I will goStart a war!The public’s easyTo distractWhen bombs areFalling on Iraq!

Q: Do you know why Bill Clinton doesn’t use bookmarks?

A: Because he likes to bend pages!

Dad – ”Son, come in here, we need to talk.” Son – ”What’s up, Dad?”Dad – ”There’s a scratch down the side of the car. Did you do it?”Son – ”I don’t believe, if I understand the definition of a ‘scratch the car, that I can say, truthfully, that I scratched the car.” Dad – ”Well, it wasn’t there yesterday, and you drove the car last night, and no one has driven it since. How can you explain the scratch?”Son – ”Well, as I’ve said before, I have no recollection of scratching the car. While it is true that I did take the car out last night, I did not scratch it.”Dad – ”But your sister, Monica, has told me she saw you back the car against the mailbox at the end of the driveway, heard a loud scraping sound, saw you get out to examine the car, and then drive away. So again I’ll ask you, yes or no, did you scratch the car?”Son – ”Oh, you mean you think you have evidence to prove I scratched it. Well, you see, I understood you to mean did ”I” scratch the car. I stand by my earlier statement, that I did not scratch the car.”Dad – ”Are you trying to tell me you didn’t drive the car into the mailbox?”Son – ”Well, you see sir, I was trying to drive the car into the street. I mishandled the steering of the car, and it resulted in direct contact with the mailbox, though that was clearly not my intent.”Dad- ”So you are saying that you did hit the mailbox?”Son – ”No sir, that’s not my statement. I’ll refer you back to my original statement that I did not scratch the car.”Dad – ”But the car did hit the mailbox and the car did get scratched as a result of this contact?”Son – ”Well yes, I suppose you could look at it that way.”Dad – ”So you lied to me when you said you did not scratch the car?”Son – ”No! No, that’s not correct. Your question was ”Did I scratch the car?” From a strict legal definition, as I understood the meaning of that sentence, I did not scratch the car…the mailbox did…I was merely present when the scratching occurred. So my answer of ”No” when you asked ”Did I scratch the car” was legally correct, although I did not volunteer information.”Dad – ”Where did you learn to talk like a complete idiot?”Son – ”From the President of the United States.”

Saddam Hussein and Bill Clinton meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When Bill sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam’s chair.

They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam presses the first button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Clinton in the face.

Confused, Clinton carries on talking as Saddam laughs.

A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Clinton in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Clinton carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries.

But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Clinton in the privates, he’s finally had enough, knowing that he can’t do much without them functioning well. “I’m going back home!” he tells the Iraqi. “We’ll finish these talks in two weeks!”

A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. As the two men sit down, Hussein notices three buttons on Clinton’s chair and prepares himself for the Yank’s revenge.

They begin talking and Bill presses the first button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. Clinton snickers. A few seconds later he presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Clinton roars with laughter. When the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again, and again nothing happens. Clinton falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.

“Forget this,” says Saddam. “I’m going back to Baghdad!”

Clinton says through tears of laughter, “What Baghdad?”

Q: What do Bill Clinton and Heidi Fleiss have in common?
A: They both got their careers by promising to screw the rich and famous.