Category: bill clinton

President Boris Yeltsin called Clinton with an emergency: “Our largest condom
factory has exploded!” the Russian President cried; “My people’s favorite form
of birth control! This is a true disaster!”
“Boris, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power
to help you.”, replied the President.

“I do need your help,” said Yeltsin. “Could you possibly send 1,000,000
condoms ASAP to tie us over?”

“Why certainly! I’ll get right on it!”, said Clinton. “Oh, and one more small
favor, please?”, said Yeltsin.

“Yes?”, replied the President.

“Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10″ long and 4″ in diameter?”
said Yeltsin.

“No problem,” replied the President and, with that, Clinton hung up and called
the President of Trojan condoms. “I need a favor, you’ve got to make 1,000,000
condoms right away and send them to Russia.”

“Consider it done�, said the President of Trojan.

“Great! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10″ long and 4″ wide.”

“Easily done. Anything else?”

“Yeah,” said the President, “Print ‘MADE IN AMERICA, SIZE MEDIUM’ on each
one.”

Q: What’s Clinton’s favorite baseball team?
A: The Dodgers.

Hard to tell what upsets the Democrats the most these days, that they lost the election or our winning the war.

What do you get when you cross Bill Clinton and George Bush?
A pimp with a speech impediment.

One small plane flies into restricted airspace and did you see all the people rushing out of the Capital? It was unbelievable.

That was the fastest Congress ever moved that didn’t involve giving themselves a pay raise.

What was really scary was Tom DeLay. He had to get 25 family members on the payroll out of there.

There hasn’t been this kind of panic and evacuation in the White House since that night in ’98 when Hillary came home early.

Former U.S. President George Bush said he would like to see his son, Governor George W. Bush, in the White House.

Polls, however, indicate that the public is fed up with the Monica Lewinsky scandal and does not want to see any more Bush in the White House.

When Monica takes Tripps to Washington, she stays in a posh hotel.While checking her in, the clerk asked, ”President’s suite?””No, Actually sort of bitter,” she admitted.”Bitter? Hell, I never even kissed her.” Clinton responded.”

What magazine does Clinton hate?
WIRED.

This chain letter was started in hopes of bringing relief to other tired and discouraged men. Unlike most chain letters, this one does not cost anything.
Just send a copy of this letter to five of your friends who are equally tired and discontented. Then bundle up your wife or girlfriend and send her to the man whose name appears at the top of the following list and add your name to the bottom of the list.

When your turn comes, you will receive 15,625 women. One of them is bound to be better than the one you already have. At the writing of this letter, a friend of mine had already received 184 women, of whom 4 were worth keeping.

REMEMBER this chain brings luck. One man’s pit bull died and the next day he received a Playboy swimsuit model. An unmarried man living with his widowed mother was able to choose between a Hooters waitress and a Hollywood super model.

You can be lucky too, but DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN! One man broke the chain and got his own wife back again.

Let’s keep it going, men! Just add your name to the list below!

> Bill Clinton
> 1600 Pennsylvania Ave
> Washington DC
>
> William Jefferson Clinton
> 1600 Pennsylvania Ave
> Washington DC
>
> W. J. Clinton
> 1600 Pennsylvania Ave
> Washington DC
>
> William Clinton
> 1600 Pennsylvania Ave
> Washington DC
>
> W. Jefferson Clinton
> 1600 Pennsylvania Ave
> Washington DC
>
> William J. Clinton
> 1600 Pennsylvania Ave
> Washington DC
>
> Slick Willie Clinton
> 1600 Pennsylvania Ave
> Washington, DC
>
> Mr. Hillary Clinton
> 1600 Pennsylvania Ave
> Washington DC

Clinton and the Pope die on the same day, and due to some administrative foul
up, Clinton gets sent to Heaven and the Pope gets sent to Hell.
The Pope explains the situation to the Hell administration, they check their
paperwork, and the error is acknowledged. They explain, however, that it will
take about 24 hours to make the switch.

The next day, the Pope is called in, the Hell administration bids him
farewell, and he heads for Heaven. On the way up, he meets Clinton on the way
down, and they stop to chat.

Pope: Sorry about the mix up.

Clinton: No problem.

Pope: Well, I’m really excited about going to Heaven.

Clinton: Why’s that?

Pope: All my life I’ve wanted to meet the Virgin Mary.

Clinton: You’re a day late.

It is being reported that over 500 female soldiers have gotten free breast implants while in the service and that’s while Bush was president.

Imagine how many there were under Clinton.

-Jay Leno

Q: What caused all the flooding in the Midwest this year?
A: Hillary took all the dikes with her to Washington.