Category: bill clinton

What’s Monica Lewinsky’s favorite place in Washingto D.C.?

Under the beltway.

Jerry Falwell, a well-known religious protector of ‘public decency’, was
seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight. After the plane was
airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders. The President asked
for a whiskey and soda, which were brought and placed before him. The flight
attendant then asked the minister if he would also like a drink. The minister
replied in disgust, “Ma’am, I’d rather be savagely raped by a brazen whore than
let liquor touch these lips!”
The President then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, “I’m
sorry, I didn’t know there was a choice…”

Seems Bill wasted all that energy running for President.
He thought they said the “Oral” Office.

“Yank My Doodle, It’s a Dandy”!

At his ranch in Crawford, Texas, President Bush met with Saudi Crown Prince Abdullah.

I think Bush got a little confused he thought he was having lunch with Paula Abdul.

Attorney General Janet Reno, in charge of the effort to indict Microsoft on anti-trust charges, disclosed in a press conference that she doesn’t understand or use personal computers, saying she never could differentiate what’s on the ‘hard drive’ vs. the ‘soft drive’…… Maybe that explains why she’s done such a lousy job on the Clinton sex scandal, too…

What�s the difference between Bill Clinton�s dick and a Quebec Hydro tower?
A Quebec Hydro tower comes down occasionally.

Monica walks into her dry cleaning store and tells the guy, “I’ve got another dress for you to clean.”

Slightly hard of hearing, the clerk replies, “Come again?”

“No,” says Monica. “Mustard.”

Clinton bumps into a new intern in the hall. He stops, stares at her a moment
and then asks “are you new her?”
The intern replies “Why yes, I am, this is my second day.”
“I thought so,” said Clinton�, I didn’t think I had cum across your face
before…”

Ya know, there’s been a lot of talk lately online and in the press about what to call Clinton’s latest escapade: – Tail-gate – Bimbo-gate – Forni-gate – Monica-gate… not to mention all the other scandals he’s been accused of participating in: – Travel-gate – Whitewater-gate – Trooper-gate – Nanny-gatePerhaps it’s time to just lump them all together as a set. Call ’em the: – Bill-gatesOops. No. Wait. That could be confusing. After all, the president is accused of using his power and prestige to screw lots of people whereas the head of Microsoft is being accused of… er… ah… um… Oh never mind.

To the tune of Leslie Gore’s It’s My Party

Everybody knows that Bill had fun
Hilary doesn’t know that he’s mine
She keeps her head in the sand
while Billy and I make time

It’s the grand jury and I’ll lie if I want to
lie if I want to, lie if I want to
you would lie too
If Bill was in love with you

Tear the dress to shreds
Keep banging all night
Billy likes a vertical smile
Now Ken Starr’s telling me
I need a cake with a file

It’s the grand jury and I’ll lie if I want to
lie if I want to, lie if I want to
you would lie too
If Bill was in love with you

Linda and Kenny just called me a whore
She was such a big fink
O what deceitful lies
When Linda started to sing

It’s the grand jury and I’ll lie if I want to
lie if I want to, lie if I want to
you would lie too
If Bill was in love with you

Q: What is the difference between Hitler and Bill Clinton?
A: Hitler intended to deliver on his speeches.