Category: bill clinton

Q: What’s another name for Bill Clinton’s whores?
A: The White House Press Corps.

An Israeli soap powder company is using the U.S. presidential sex scandal to sell stain-removing detergent.In a television commercial, the Lever Israel company suggests that its Biomat detergent can deal with even the most stubborn stains caused by what has euphemistically been called DNA material.It shows ”FBI agents” entering the ”home” of Monica Lewinsky to remove, wash and return the dress at the center of an investigation into whether President Bill Clinton had an affair with the former White House intern and told her to lie about it.For what the company called legal reasons, the spelling of Lewinsky’s name on a mailbox outside the house was Monika Lavinsky.But the two agents slip up in their apparent mission to protect the president.On leaving the house, they report by wrist radio the dress is now ”whiter then white” — only to be told by a voice in their earpieces: ”White? But it’s a blue dress.”The commercial, already aired on Israeli news programs, premiered on Monday to coincide with Clinton’s closed circuit television testimony to a federal grand jury.”We believe that this kind of humor will help us reach the consumer,” Yair Sharett, a Lever Israel representative, told Reuters

Jay Lenno on the Impact of Kenneth Starr’s Report. 9/11/98As a direct result of the release of Judge Kenneth Starr’s Report to the congress on the internet:Meet The Press will not be hosted by Tim Russert this week. The new host: Dr. Ruth.The Big Story: George Burns no longer can claim the world’s most famous cigar.According to Monica, Bill took phone calls while she was giving him Oral Sex. Wouldn’t it be too perfect if one of those calls was from AT&T asking if he was satisfied with the service he was getting? The President’s Lawyer went on TV and said ‘this is just an accusation, not proof.’ Hey Lumpy! 36 boxes of evidence will stack up to substantially taller than you, your boss and your secretaries standing on each others shoulders! With that mountain of evidence against you: IT’S OVER!!!!!. Even OJ was heard to say: ‘Give It Up!!!’Clinton wasn’t going to apologize to his cabinet until Janet Reno got him in a Headlock and said: ‘Now you say you’re sorry right now!’Milton Bradley has released a Special Bill Clinton Edition of their famous board game: ‘Sorry’

Former President Clinton said that Guantanamo should either be cleaned up or closed down.

You know, there was a time when people were saying the same thing about the Oval Office.

-Jay Leno

Bill Clinton was visiting an elementary school one day to promote one of his
education bills. He was talking to a classroom of kids and asked them if they
knew what a tragedy is. One little boy said, “A tragedy would be if a school bus
full of kids ran off a road and everybody died�. Mr. Clinton responded, “No,
that would be an accident�. Shocked, the class was silent for a moment when a
bright young girl stood up and said, “A tragedy would be if all the teachers in
the world quit teaching�. Clinton thought for a moment and then said, “No, that
would be a great loss�. Finally another boy stood up and said, “A tragedy would
be if the President was in an airplane and it crashed and he died�. Clinton
smiled and said, “Good job, now that would be a tragedy. Can you explain to the
class why that would be a tragedy?” The little boy responded by saying, “Well,
it probably wouldn’t be an accident and it certainly wouldn’t be a great loss�.

The White House and the Capitol building were evacuated today as a small plane flew into restricted airspace.

It actually got within three miles of the White House.

Three miles! That’s closer than John Kerry ever got.

Q: What famous Arkansas State Supreme Court decision is Hilary Clinton famous
for?
A: If you divorce your wife in Arkansas, is she still your cousin?

Hillary Clinton went in for her yearly check-up. When it was finished, she
asked her gynecologist how everything was. He said he was pleased and that she
was in great shape, and that she was pregnant.

“No way!” she exclaimed, but he assured her she was most definitely pregnant.
She stormed out of the examining room, grabbed the receptionist’s phone, and
dialed the private line in the Oval Office.

When Bill answered the phone, she shouted, “I can’t believe it! I’m pregnant!
You got me pregnant!”

The president didn’t say anything, and she screamed, “Didn’t you hear me?? I’m
pregnant! You got me pregnant!”

Hesitantly, the president asked, “Um…who IS this?”

White House staffers were perplexed one morning to see
Bill Clinton walk into the Oval Office with a pair of woman’s
panties on his arm. Somewhat used to the president’s
tendencies, they let it go and went about their daily tasks.

The day wore on as usual; several VIPs were ushered in
and out of the Oval Office for meetings with Clinton about
important affairs of the state. Each of them left with a
puzzled expression on their face, but no one dared ask
about the President’s personal business.

Finally, Betty Currie, Clinton’s loyal secretary walked into the
office between appointments and gently closed the door
behind her. “Mr. President,” she said�,We’ve come to expect
many unusual things from you, but we’re all quite concerned
that you seem to be wearing a pair of woman’s panties on
your arm. Please tell me this doesn’t mean more trouble.”

“No�, the President grinned. “It’s the Patch. I’m trying to quit.”

Hillary and Chelsea are sitting around the table having a mother/daughter
talk.
“So, Chelsea,” says her mother�, you�ve been going to college for a while
now. Have you had sex yet?”
“Well,” says Chelsea, “not according to Dad�.

Q: Did you hear that someone threw a bottle of beer at Clinton?
A: Yes, but it’s ok. It was a Draft and he was able to dodge it.

Two new young interns are hired in the White House.

They are walking down the hall when President Clinton sees them.

The President walks up and says, “Gee, I’ve never come across your faces before.”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown