Category: bill clinton

What position did Monica Lewinsky have at the White House?

Missionary

Things came to a head last week and the name Monica Lewinsky is fast
becoming a real mouthful at the White House. The latest news about
President Clinton is definitely hard to swallow and seems certain to
leave a nasty taste in the mouth of the current administration. It
will be some time before all the stains resulting from this issue are
removed from the Oval Office.

Monica Lewinsky has proved to be not as tight lipped as Clinton had
hoped and is expected to spit out the truth to a Grand Jury tomorrow.
She will surely go down in history for her orations concerning the
comings and goings behind the doors of the Oval Office. Monica was
apparently on her knees when she received the recent gagging order
from the White House and now has to decide whether to swallow her pride
and dispose of the evidence, or to succumb to the deep throated
rumblings of the Washington Press Corp. and spill the issue wide open.

Any attempt by Lewinsky to suck up to Clinton can only be construed as
lip service and Clinton would be advised to try and minimize the
impact of this, the latest in a long series of blows he has received
since coming to power. Despite this latest blow, job security for the
President seems to be assured, as he can rely on his proven oral
skills to promote a career in public speaking, being, as he has often
shown, a cunning linguist. (Although Hillary Clinton may disagree with
this, as she claims she is rarely on the end of a tongue lashing from
Bill!)

Miss Lewinsky is from a naval background and her choice of Bill
Clinton as a lover is somewhat surprising, given her preference for
seamen. According to her lawyer, Miss Lewinsky likes to see men in
power and relished the thought of taking a length of time to chew things
over with the President, whenever she could fit him in. And the
President was equally keen to see Miss Lewinsky, always putting on a
spurt when he entered her office.

Miss Leweinsky has apparently been offered a PR job by Listerine, who
described her as spunky enough for any job. Her name has also been
associated with Big Gulp soda advertising and Kleenex.

What does Hillary do when she’s done shaving her pussy?

Puts a tie on him and sends him to work.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci

Q. Why can’t Bill Clinton work at KFC?
A. He can’t keep his hands off the breasts and thighs.

Q: Why is Bill Clinton called “middle of the road Democrat”?
A: Because he’s got a wide yellow stripe down the middle of his two-lane
back.

When Clinton was running for office he claimed that he had never used
marijuana. He admitted to having a joint in his mouth, but explained that
he never inhaled.

It seems that he now claims he never had sex with Monica Lewinsky,
Apparantly she didn’t swallow.

Q: If Bill and Hillary jumped together off the Washington monument, who’d land
first?
A: Who cares?

A new soup introduced this week by Campbell’sThe Nations largest Soup Manufacturer Campbell’s Soup announced today that they will be stocking America’s shelves this week with their newest Soup creation, “Clinton Soup”It will honor one the nations most distinguished men. It consists primarily of a small weenie in hot water.

Q: Why does Jocelyn Elders hate aspirin?
A: It’s white, it works, and you have to pick cotton to get to it.

Hillary has just released her new book.

It takes a city to satisfy my husband.

Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a “tragedy.” One little boy stands up and offers that, “If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street when a car came by and killed him, that would be a tragedy.”

“No,” Clinton says, “That would be an ACCIDENT.”

A girl raises her hand. “If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone inside…that would be a tragedy.”

“I’m afraid not,” explains Clinton. “That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS.”

The room is silent; none of the other children dare volunteer.

“What?” asks Clinton, “Isn’t there anyone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?”

Finally a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: “If an airplane carrying Bill and Hillary Clinton was blown up by a bomb, *that* would be a tragedy.”

“Wonderful!” Clinton beams. “Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?”

“Well,” says the boy, “because it wouldn’t be an accident, and it certainly would be no great loss!”

Q: Why are staff cuts so difficult for Clinton?
A: He can’t give a woman a pink slip without asking her to try it on first.