Category: bill clinton

Q: What were Bill and Chelsea Clinton doing in the voting booth?
A: Bill was giving his daughter a lesson in Civics, how to sc#$w the people!

How does Bill keep Monica Lewinsky away from the White House?
He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride.

An official Gallup survey polled over 1000 women with the question: Would you sleep with Bill Clinton?

1% said, “No”

2% said, “Yes”

97% said, “Never Again”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Tantilazing

I have a moral question for you. This is an imaginary situation, but I think it is fun to decide what one would do.The situation: You are in the Midwest, and there is a huge flood in progress. Many homes have been lost, water supplies compromised, and infrastructure destroyed.Let’s say you’re a photographer out getting still photos for a news service, traveling alone, looking for particularly poignant scenes. If you were to stumble across Bill Clinton struggling to keep from being swept away in a raging river and you had a choice of rescuing him or getting a Pulitzer prize-winning photograph of the death of a President. What shutter speed would you use?– Submitted by Angela Tuttle

This just in from my good friend Mark, who writes: ‘I like the cartoon in the Newsweek that arrived today . . .’Bill is lying in bed while Hillary reads: ‘Stand By Your Man.’ His eyes go wide as she comments ‘Bye the way, I hired a new intern today. Her name is Lorena Bobbitt.’

Clinton was at a fund raiser. He had to take a leak so he went to the bathroom, stepped up to a toilet and whipped it out.

Just then Jessie Jackson walked in, went to the toilet next to Clinton and took his out.

Clinton looked down and said “Geez, Jessie, how the heck did you get such a big cock?”

Jessie said “Easy, every time I am about screw, I slap my dick on the bed post four times, as hard as I can”.

Clinton put this in the back of his little mind. When Clinton went home, he saw Hillary sound asleep. Bill felt the urge, so he whipped little willie out and slapped it real hard four times against the bed post.

At that time, Hillery said “Is that you Jessie?”

Q: Did you know that Monica isn’t 100% Jewish?
A: She has a little bit of hillbilly in her.

One day, Clinton called the White House interior decorator into the Oval Office. He was very furious and said, “Chelsea is very upset because she thinks she has the ugliest room in the entire White House; I want something done about it immediately!”Yes Sir, Mr. President,” the interior decorator replies. “I’ll take those mirrors out right away!”

What is the latest warning to be posted in the White House?
Don’t Tripp.

Q: Why did Bill use the di***?
A: Because Hillary bit it off!

President Bush called in a banker for economic advice.

The banker said, “If I were you, I’d put the country in Laura’s name.”

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Don Juan were having a terrible fight. “I am
the most beautiful person in the world,” proclaimed Sleeping Beauty. “No, you’re
not�, answered Don Juan and Tom Thumb. “I am the smallest person in the world,”
shouted Tom Thumb. “No, you’re not,” said Sleeping Beauty and Don Juan. “I’ve
had more lovers than any person in the world,” announced Don Juan. “No, you
haven’t” replied Tom Thumb and Sleeping Beauty. Well, they decided that if the
three were to get along, they needed a mediator, and decided that Merlin,
clearly the smartest person in the world, would be ideal. Merlin agreed and
summoned them all to his palace, where he announced he would meet with them one
at a time. Sleeping Beauty went in first and not a minute later came out
beaming. “I am the most beautiful person in the world, Merlin said so.” In went
Tom Thumb and out he came as quickly as had Sleeping Beauty. “I am the smallest
person in the world. Merlin agrees.” In goes Don Juan and in he stays, a half
hour, an hour, an hour and a half later. Finally, he emerges distraught,
muttering, “Who the hell is Bill Clinton”