Category: bill clinton

1. The reason it’s always so difficult for this president to tell the truth,
the whole truth, and nothing but the truth is because it’s usually three
different stories…Sam Donaldson.
2. If the president could convince every women in America that the Bible says
oral sex is not adultery he’d even have my votes…. Newt Gingrich
3. What’s wrong with extending my probe? The president did the same
thing…Kenneth Starr
4. The special prosecutor is asking me to give oral testimony to the entire
Grand Jury…Monica Lewinsky
5. Shouldn’t the president be held to the same standard as a TV
Sportscaster….Marv Albert
6. The president should promise to spend the rest of his life trying to find
the real person who had oral sex with the intern…OJ Simpson
7. If I had to spend all day trying to find a job for every bimbo who swore
she didn’t have sex with the president, I’d never get any of my own work
done….Vernon Jordan
8. Practicing safe sex in the Clinton White House means making sure the door
is locked…. George Stephanopoulos
9. The FBI reports less crime in the U.S. for the sixth straight year, “It is
no wonder� said one observer.” All of Clinton’s business associates are either
dead or in prison already.”
10. One thing’s for sure about Clinton… he sure doesn’t neglect domestic
affairs!!!

11. Is it true that, they are changing the name of the Virgin Islands, since
Clinton’s been there?
12. They should call the Clinton’s White House the “New Left.” I mean, they’re
so far from being right about anything.

Q: What is Hillary’s new nickname after her latest hairstyle?
A: Oldie locks.

When Bill and Hillary first got married, Bill said, “I am putting a box under
the bed. You must promise never to look in it.” In all their 30 years of
marriage Hillary never looked. However on the afternoon of their 30th
anniversary curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked
inside.
In the box were 3 empty beer cans and $1,874.25 in cash. She closed the box
and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was
doubly curious as to why.
That evening they were out for a special dinner. After dinner Hillary could no
longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying, “I am so sorry. For all
these years I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed.
However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know
why do you keep the cans in the box?”
Bill thought for a while and said, “I guess after all these years you deserve
to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you I put an empty beer can in
the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again.”
Hillary was shocked, but said, “I am very disappointed and saddened but guess
after all those years away from home on the road, temptation does happen and I
guess that 3 times is not that bad considering the years.”
They hugged and made their peace. A little while later Hillary asked Bill, “So
why do you have all that money in the box?”
Bill answered, “Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took them
to the recycling center and redeemed them for cash…”

Q: Why is President Clinton so reluctant to decide the fate of Elian Gonzalez?A: Because the last time he made a decision about where to put a Cuban He was almost impeached.

What’s the difference between the Titanic
and President Bill Clinton?

Only 350 women went down on the
Titanic.

Q: Why does Hillary have more body guards than Bill?
A: Because if Hillary was killed, who would run the country?

While the Pope was in St. Louis he decided to grant absolution to three
sinners. The first person to come up was O.J. Simpson. The Pope asked,
�What is your sin?� �I stabbed two people to death.�
The Pope replied, �Kneel down. I�ll bless you and grant you absolution.�
Next in line was Bill Clinton.
�What was your sin, son?�
�I cheated on my wife.� The Philanderer in Chief replied.
�Kneel down, my son. I�ll bless you and grant you absolution.�
A third person came up and the Pope asked,
�What is your name?�
�Monica Lewinsky.�
The Pope stroked his chin. �Hmmmm. Perhaps you should remain standing.�

In the old days, kids who wanted to be clowns ran away to the circus.

Nowadays, they run for public office.

Three limericks from a Long Island contest where you had to use the words Lewinski and Kaczynski.There once was a gal named LewinskyWho played on a flute like Stravinsky ‘Twas ”Hail to the Chief” On this flute made of beefThat stole the front page from Kaczynski.Said Bill Clinton to young Ms. LewinskyWe don’t want to leave clues like Kaczynski, Since you look such a mess, Use the hem of your dressAnd wipe that stuff off of your chinsky.Lewinsky and Clinton have shownWhat Kaczynski must surely have known: That an intern is better Than a bomb in a letterGiven the choice of how to be blown.

Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton were at a Yankees game. Before
the game began a secret service man came up to him and whispered in his ear.
Bill Clinton suddenly picked up Hillary and threw her out on the field.
The secret service man came running up to him and said, “Mr. President
Sir, I think you misunderstood me; I said throw out the first pitch.”

Does anybody know the Washington Post’s code name for their Clinton
insider-news source?

I’m pretty sure it’s not “Deep Throat” …

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing.

He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green.

He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, “Ribbit 9 Iron.”

The man looks around and doesn’t see anyone.

Again, he hears, “Ribbit 9 Iron.”

He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron.

Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked.

He says to the frog, “Wow that’s amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?

The frog replies, “Ribbit Lucky frog.”

The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. “What do you think frog?” the man asks.

“Ribbit 3 wood.”

The guy takes out a 3-wood and, Boom! Hole-in-one.

The man is befuddled and doesn’t know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, “OK where to next?”

The frog replies, “Ribbit Las Vegas.”

They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, “OK frog, now what?”

The frog says, “Ribbit Roulette.” Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, “What do you think I should bet?”

The frog replies, “Ribbit $3000, black 6.”

Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck.

Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.

The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel.

He sits the frog down and says, “Frog, I don’t know how to repay you. You’ve won me all this money and I am forever grateful”.

The frog replies, “Ribbit Kiss Me.”

He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it.

With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.

“And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room.

So help me God or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton.”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis