Category: bar & drinking

A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the
aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.

She looks the man up and down and says, I’ve got news for you.
“You’re going straight to hell!”

The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, “Dammmmmn, I’m on
the wrong bus!”

A man is driving home, when is pulled over by a patrolman for a broken blinker. The cop looks into the guys’ car and sees a collection of knives in the backseat. “Sir,” the cop says.”Why do you have all those knives?””They’re for my juggling act,” the man says.”I don’t believe you,” says the cop.”Prove it.”So the man gets out of his car and begins juggling the knives. At the same time, a car with two guys in it drives by.”Man,” says the first guy.”I’m glad I quit drinking. These new sobriety tests are hard.”

A man is sitting at a bar one night, wearing a fancy new watch, covered with buttons and lights and dials. The woman next to him says, �Wow, that’s a really fancy watch.� �Thanks, says the guy, �It’s the cutting edge of technology. I can telepathically ask this watch anything I want to know, and it’ll answer me, telepathically.� �Rubbish, you’re having me on,� says the girl. �No, it’s true,� says that guy. �Look, tell you what, I’ll prove it. I’ll ask it if you’ve got any panties on.� The guy scrunches up his eyes for a moment, as if concentrating hard to talk to his watch, then opens them and says, �Nope, it says you haven’t got any panties on.� �Well, it’s wrong,� says the girl, �I do have panties on.� �Damn,� says the guy, slapping his watch, �it’s an hour fast!�

there was this man that enterd a bar and ended up to a crying man.he said to the man”what is wrong?”the crying man replied”my doctor told me that im really sick,and he give me these pills.”he also said,that i have to take these pills for the rest of my life.and the man said”then why are you crying?”because he only give me six pills”

Yo shirt sooooo little i could see your heart beating.

Yo shirt sooooo little i good see what you had for brekfeast this morning.

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for 6 shots of Jack Daniels.

The bartender asks “What’s the occasion.”

The guy says “Its my first blowjob.”

The bartender says “Well if thats the case the 7th is on us.”

The guy says “If that won’t get the taste out nothing will.”

A man walks into a bar. Pretty soon another man walked into the bar. the first man asked the second “Oh you didn’t see it either?”

your in bed fast asleep u hear a noise u go down the stairsu see the tv floating wot do u say ?

put the tv down niger

A man comes home late one night, drunk.”Where have you been?” asks his wife.”In the Golden Bar! They have golden chairs, golden glasses, golden beer, and a golden urinal!” This sounds awfully suspicious to the wife, who calls the Golden Bar.”Do you have golden chairs?””Yes.””Do you have golden glasses?””Yes.””Do you have golden beer?””Yes.””Do you have a golden urinal?””Hold on.” On the other end, she hears “I think we have a line on the guy who pissed in your saxophone.”

What do you get if you lie under a cow A pat on the head

A Newfie man goes out on the town, stops in at a bar. He spots a gorgeous looking blonde and trys to pick her up.
The blonde says “sorry, I’m not that way inclined” and points to a gorgeous looking brunnette sitting across from her at the bar. The blonde goes on to tell the Newfie all the lovely sexual things she would like to do with the Brunette.

At this point the Newfie starts to cry and the blonde asks “what’s wrong with you?”. The Newfie responds “I think I just found out I’m a Lesbian too!”

A man in a bar has a couple of beers, and the bartender tells him he owes $4.

“But I paid, don’t you remember?” says the customer.

“Okay,” says the bartender�,if you said you paid, you did�.

The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the
bartender can’t keep track of whether his customers have paid. The second man
then ruses in, orders a beer and later pulls the same stunt. The barkeep
replies, “If you say you paid, I’ll take your word for it�.

Soon the customer goes into the street, sees an old friend, and tells him how
to get free drinks. The man hurries into the bar and begins to drink high-balls
when, suddenly, the bartender leans over sand says, “You know, a funny thing
happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid and both
claimed that they did. The next guy who tries that is going to get punched right
in the nose.”

“Don’t bother me with your troubles,” the final patron responds.

“Just give me my change and I’ll be on my way.”