Category: bar & drinking

Joe stopped at his favorite watering hole after a hard day’s work to relax. He noticed a man next to him order a shot and a beer. The man drank the shot, chased it with the beer and then looked into his shirt pocket. This continued several times before Joe’s curiosity got the best of him. He leaned over to the guy and said, �Excuse me, I couldn’t help but notice your little ritual. Why in the world do you look into your shirt pocket every time you drink your shot and beer?� The man replied, �There’s a picture of my wife in there, and when she starts lookin’ good, I’m headin’ home!�

three blondes stranded on a island. they find a lamp and rub it, a genii comes out he says you can have one wish each 1st blonde says i want to be 25% smarter so she gets a log turns it into a canoe and sails to shore 2nd blonde says i want to be 50% smarter so she gets a log turns it into a ship and sails to shore 3rd blonde says i want to be 100% smarter so she turns into a man and walks over the bridge.

A black man enters a bar with his gorilla. He says to the bartender, “I would like a beer, and a gin and tonic for my girlfriend here.”

The bartender looks at him like he’s nuts and says, ” I sorry but I don’t serve Gorillas in this bar.”

The man has an idea. He takes his girlfriend home and shaves her head, gives her a wig, dress, and makeup. Then he returns to the same bar. He places the same order and this time the bar tender gives it to them.

They go and sit in a corner while the bartender turns to his friend and says, “Damn! Did you ever notice how all the good looking Iraqi ladies that come in here, always seem to be with black men.

Joe stopped at his favorite watering hole after a hard day’s work to relax. He noticed a man next to him order a shot and a beer. The man drank the shot, chased it with the beer and then looked into his shirt pocket. This continued several times before Joe’s curiosity got the best of him. He leaned over to the guy and said, �Excuse me, I couldn’t help but notice your little ritual. Why in the world do you look into your shirt pocket every time you drink your shot and beer?� The man replied, �There’s a picture of my wife in there, and when she starts lookin’ good, I’m headin’ home!�

Why was the egg embarrased? Because his yolk was hanging out.

what do you call a full beer bottel of beer a full glass of beer

yo mama got a glass leg and she uses windex for lotion

what does a guy say when he walks into a bar anser:ouch

A man was sitting at the bar in a watering hole whose selling point was that it was on top of the largest skyscraper in town. Another man walks in and asks the bartender for a Jack Daniel’s. He downs it, and then takes a running leap out the window. Much to everybody’s surprise, he floats back up and climbs through the window back into the bar. The man at the bar is amazed and asks the man how he did it.”Easy,” says the man.”Outside this window are some very strong wind currents which can carry you back to the window.” “Wow,” says the man at the bar.”I gotta try this.” He takes a running leap out the window and falls to a horrible, bloody, and flat death. “Geez, Superman,” says the bartender.”You can be a real a jerk when you’re drunk.”

A man is in a bar having a drink. The guy next to him falls off of his barstool. The man picks up the guy and sits him back on the barstool, and he falls off again. This time he picks the guy up and asks, ”Where do you live?”

Being a kind soul, the man takes the guy to his car, puts him in the back seat, and drives him home. When they get to the guy’s house, the man helps the guy out of the car, but he falls down 3 times before getting to the front door. The man rings the doorbell and the guy’s wife comes to the door. The man says, ”Hello, I’ve brought your husband home.”

The wife looks at the man and asks, ”Where’s his wheel chair?”

A guy walks into a bar. He’s a rather large, menacing chap. He chugs back a beer and says, “All the guys on this side of the bar are cocksuckers! Anyone got a problem with that?”

Everyone is understandably silent.

He, then, chugs back another beer and says, “All the guys on the other side of the bar are motherfuckers! Anyone got a problem with that?”

Everyone is silent, again.

Then one man gets up from his stool and starts to walk toward the man.

“You got a problem, buddy?”
No, I’m just on the wrong side of the bar!”

A man walks into a bar. the bartender says to the guy, “what can i get you?”

“make it a whisky�, says the man who promptly throws it down in one gulp.

“that will be three dollars,” says the bartender.

“screw you!” says the man. “you offered to get me something. i thought you
were paying.”

“get out�, says the bartender. “you’re banned. i don’t need your crap.”

anyway, two years later, the same man walks into same bar with the same
bartender.

the bartender looks at him and says, “you’re the a****** who tried to con a
drink out of me, aren’t you?”

“excuse me, but i have no idea what you are talking about,” says the customer.
“i’ve never been to this bar before in my life!”

“sorry. my mistake,” says the bartender. “you must have a double.”

“hey thanks, dude!” says the customer. “make it whisky.”