Yours Fun Portal !
A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, “I’m sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her.”
“Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!” she screamed.
“Funny,” he muttered, “you even sound exactly like her.”
A cowboy walks into a bar and asks for a coke. He takes a sip and says”This coke tasts like shit” the bartender says “me chinese me play joke me go peepee in your coke” A second cowboy walks into the bar and asks for a coke he takes a sip and says “This coke tasts like piss” The bartender says “I am Russian you are joke I go poopoo in your coke” A third cowboy walks in and asks for a coke he takes a sip and says “This coke tasts like balls” The bartender says “Me am indian me do joke me beat off in your coke” The cowboy says “Me cowboy me draw fast me shoot bullet up your ass!!!
A guy walks into a bar in Oklahoma and orders a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, surprised, and the bartender looks around and says, “You ain’t from around here, are ya? Where ya from, boy?”
The guy says, “I’m from Iowa.”
The bartender asks, “What the heck you do in Iowa?”
The guy responds, “I’m a taxidermist.”
The bartender asks, “A taxidermist? Now just what the heck is a taxidermist?”
The guy says nervously, “I mount animals.”
The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, “It’s okay boys, he’s one of us!”
There was a guy in a bar and he asked the bartender for a beer. He chugged it,
looked into his pocket, asked for another beer. Which he chugged, then looked
into his pocket, and asked for another beer. This went on for a while then the
bartender finally asked, ‘How come you ask for a beer, chug it, then look in
your pocket?’ The man said, ‘because there is a picture of
my wife in my pocket and I’m going to keep drinking till she looks good enough
to go home.’
An insect falls into a mug of beer. English Man: Throws his mug of bear on the floor and walks out. American Man: Takes out the insect and drinks tbe beer. Chinese Man: Eats the insect and throws the beer. Indian Man: Sells the insect to the Chinese and the beer to the Englishman and buys himself a new mug of beer. Pakistani Man: Accuses the Indian of throwing the insect into his mug, relates the issue to Kashmir, asks the Chinese for military aid and takes a loan to buy another mug of beer.
Paddy O’Shea got friendly with some of the local Boston Irish and they took
him to an upscale “Irish” pub.
“Amazing’, just amazing’, that’s what America is,” he said, looking with
delight into his glass.
“Never have I been seeing’ an ice cube with a hole in it!”
“Oi sure have,” said his host, Michael Sullivan.
“Bin married to one far fifteen years.”
A blind man walks into a bar, grabs his dog,
and starts swinging him around.
The bartender says, “Hey buddy, what are you doing”?
The blind guy says, “Don’t mind me I am just looking around”.
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A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot. The bartender is curious and askes him “every time you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket. Why?” The man replies, “I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she starts to look good, I go home.”
A man walked into a bar……..
..ouch!!!
Your a fart face your a fart face oh i have got the rong bloody number
After a big fight broke out in a pub, the police were called in, as staffwere cleared away the debris, they spotted old Ron, a regular customer, lying uncocious in a corner. As he came round, one of the policemen asked him:”Did you get in fracus.”Ron replied: “No, in the nose.”