Category: bar & drinking

what do you say if an ethiopian youth asks you for a pound?

NO YOU STUPID WOG

yo mamma so fat her stretch marks spell her name

-your so dumb you put a key on the board and call it a key board

-your so dumb you put a paper on the tv and call it paper view

men are like public restrooms either engaged or ful of shit.

ya momma is so dumb she put her fingas in the plug socket and sung ive got the power

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini.

The bartender says, “Look, buddy, I’ll bring ya’ martinis all night long – but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill.”

The customer replies, “I’m peeking at a photo of my wife… When she starts to look good, I know it’s time to go home.”

what is a great pickup line at a gay bar?

can i push in your stool

Confucious say, he who fart in church sit in own pew.

A guy walks into a bar.He bets the bartender $150 that he could toss a half-dollar coin into a shot glass all the way on the other side of ther bar.The bartender takes the bet.

The guy tosses the coin and he misses.So he pays the bartender $150.

The same guy comes back the next day and he said to the bartender that that half-dollar coin was to big to fit in the shot glass.So the bartender said try it with a quarter.The bet is on $150 if he can toss the quater in the shott glass all the way on the other side of the room.He tosses the coin and he misses.So he pays the bartender.

So he starts to drink and drink and drink till he is WASTED!So he bets the bartender $300 double or nothing that he could PISS in the shot glass across the room.So he wipps out his penis and just starts pissing everywhere on the walls on the floor and even on the bartender.

So the bartender is on the ground laughing his nutts off and he says to the guy you are the biggest fool I have ever seen.The guy says NO YOU are the biggest fool I have ever seen I just bet this dude outside $100,000 that I could PISS all over your bar.

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Q: What do you call a chili-dog with no chili?
A: Kyle Hejna

One time two guys are sitting in the bar near closing time, and the one man looks at the other and says, “You look mighty familiar, have I seen you some where?” The other replies,”yeah I got the same feeling, where were you raised?” and the first drunk says,” Springfield.” The other drunk replies, ” Hey no kidding, me too. What school did you go to?” “Springfield Middle school.” “No way! Me too. Did you live on Frederick St.?” “Yeah.” “No shit, me too.” Now this conversation goes on and on like this, then the owner of the bar calls the bar tender to close up and asks ” Anything new happening down there?” to which the bar tender replies “Nah, just the Johnson twins drunk again.