Category: bar & drinking

There are three irish men walking down the street when a leprechun comes and talks to them.he points to a bridge and says ,”if you jump off that bridge and shout the something the puddle on the other side will turn in to it.”so the first man shouts,chocolate,and sure enough it turns in to it.the second man shouts ,money,and again it happened.the third man was just about to jump when slipped and said”shit!”.now guess what the puddle turned it to?

Q: why did the woman cross the road?

A: who cares, why was she outta the kitchen!?!?

A man walks into a bar. “Gimme a double, before the shit hits the fan.”

A few minutes later, same thing. “Gimme a beer before the shit hits the fan.”

This goes on for an hour or so.

Finally the Bartender goes up to him and says, “Listen buddy, maybe you should pay before you get another drink.”

“Oops, the shit just hit the fan.” He replied.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To prove he was not chicken

A guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”

She yells, “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight!”

Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.”

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, “What do you mean $200!?!”

the teacher asked the boy if she could have his home work the boy said i made it in to a paper plane and it got higacked

So a guy walks into a bar with a steering wheel down his pants.

When he walks up to the bar and orders a drink, the bar tender
says:
“Gee that must be a bit annoying mate”

The guy replies: “Yeah, its driving me nutts!”

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, ”Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The grasshopper looks surprised and says, ”You have a drink named Steve?”

This guy runs into a bar and shouts “Quick, how tall is a penguin??”The bartender looks stunned.”An empire penguin can be about this tall” he says, gesturing.So the guy says, “Oh no, I just ran over two nuns!”

A ducks walks into a bar and asks, “Got any grapes?”The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn’t serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves. The next day, the duck returns and says, “Got any grapes?”Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves. The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: “Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!” The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, ”Got any nails?” Confused, the bartenders says no. “Good!” says the duck. “Got any grapes?”

A man comes in to the room and says to his wife, “I’m going to the pub. Get your coat on.”
The wife, overjoyed that he has included her in his activity replies, “Does that mean that you are taking me with you, darling?”

The husband replies, “No – I’m turning the heating off.

The drinker announced to the bartender, “It seems I’ve been informally named advisor on ‘Sexual Matters’ at my company.””That sounds interesting. Does this mean you’ll be counselling the big bosses on relations with their secretaries?””I’m not sure yet,” he answered.”During a staff meeting, I popped up to suggest a reduction in executive expense accounts and it was after that I was told if they ever wanted my fucking advice, they’d let me know.”