Category: bar & drinking

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he will give him a free beer
if he shows him something amazing. The bartender agrees, so the guys pull out a
hamster, which begins dancing and singing “Tuff Enough” by the Fabulous
Thunderbirds.

“That IS amazing!” says the bartender and gives the guy his free beer.

“If I show you something else amazing, will you give me another beer?” The
bartender agrees, so the guy pulls out a small piano and a hamster and a frog.
Now the hamster plays the piano while the frog dances and sings “You Isn�t Seen
Nothing Yet” by Bachman-Turner Overdrive.

The bartender, completely wowed, gives him another beer. A man in a suit,
who’s been watching the entire time, offers to buy the frog for a princely sum,
which the man agrees to.

“Are you nuts?” asks the bartender. “You could’ve made a fortune off that
frog.”

“Can you keep a secret?” asks the man. “The hamster’s a ventriloquist.”

A drunk walked into a bar crying. One of the other men in the bar asked him what happened.”I did a terrible thing,” sniffed the drunk, “Just a few hours ago I sold my wife to someone for a bottle of Southern Comfort.””That is awful,” said the other guy, “And now that she is gone you want her back right?””Right!” said the drunk, still crying.”You’re sorry you sold her because you realised, too late, that you still loved her,right?””Oh, No,” said the drunk. I want her back because I’m thirsty again!”

BE QUIET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“I have a dilexic friend named “Bob” he spelles his name “boB”. And when he gets in trouble he diales “119”

“One time I was with “boB” he told me that the other friend I was with looked like a owl….I got upset, and told him that I was going to let my other friend know what he said. So I go over to my other friend and say, “My other friend said that you look like a owl!!” You know what he said to me? Whooo!!!!

Timmy:Hey you know what i found out yesterday!!

Tom:What Timmy?

Timmy:if you jerk off with your left hand its like a whole new person!!

Tom:(laughs) YEAH, A RETARDED PERSON!!!!

hahahahaha

It’s forty below zero one-winter night in Alaska. Pat is drinking at his local
saloon and the bartender says to him, “You owe me quite a bit on your tab.”

“Sorry,” says Pat�,I’m flat broke this week.”

“That’s okay,” says the bartender.

“I’ll just write your name and the amount you owe me right here on the wall.”

“But�, says Pat, “I don’t want any of my friends to see that�.

“They won’t,” says the bartender.

“I’ll just hang your parka over it until it’s paid.”

I STABBED YOUR MUM IN THE EYE WITH A TOOTH PICK

Three guys are sitting at the bar, when a stranger walked in and took a stool at the far end of the bar. The three guys were tranfixed on the stranger, who bear a striking resemblance to Jesus.For quite a while they were speculating if in fact it was the Son of God himself. Finally Joe stands up and said he would find out for sure and walked down to the end of the bar, but before he could even open his mouth, the stranger said, ” you have had constant pain in your lower back for many years, and so I say unto you “Be healed”. Instantly the pain left his body. He ran back to tell the others. Tom said that it was bullshit and went down to the end of the bar, but again before he could say anything, the stranger said, “since you were a child you have had an inferior left eye, Be heal and see the world the way God intended. Tom’s bad eye was seeing as well as the other. Both 20/20. He came back to inform the others. Mack just set there, “well I’m not going down there – come hell or high water. Just then the stranger started walking toward Mack. Finally he was less than ten feet away from him Mack yells out, “Stay away from me you son of a bitch…I’m on Disability.

Is there a mirror in your pocket? Because I can definitely see myself in your
pants tonight.

Q. What do you call a gay bar with no barstools?

A. A fruit stand

Q.How do you stop a gay baby from crying A.stick a pasifer up his ass

T