Category: bar & drinking

A miner comes out of the hills, enters a bar, and orders a drink. Looking
around, he asks the bartender, “Hey, where�re all the

Women?”

The Barman replies, “Isn�t no women here, not far a long time�.

“Well what do y�all do?”

“We do it with the animals.”

Thoroughly disgusted, he ordered another drink and headed back to the hills.

Months later, same story… After downing too many whiskeys he asked the
bartender, “You�re sure you do it with the animals?”

“Yes, we do, sir”

Hearing this, he raced into the street and saw a pig run into an alley. He
chased after it and started having his way with

It, the pig squealing. After a while he heard a noise behind him. He turned to
look and saw half the town, horrified.

The bartender was in front and said, “My God, man, what are you doing?”

“I thought you said you all did it with the animals.”

Woman walks into a bar . . . totally nude and asks the barkeep if he can serve her a drink.He looks her up and down and says, “Well sure, but it doesn’t appear by the your appearance that you’ll be able to pay for it.”The woman throws one leg up on a bar stool and shows what she’s got, “Will this do?” she asks.The barkeep takes a look and responds, “Ya got anything smaller?”

Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, “Hey, Dave, how ya doin?”

His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before. “Oh no,” says Dave. “He’s on my bowling team.”

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he’d like his usual Budweiser. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, “You must come here a lot for that woman to know you drink Budweiser”.

“No, honey, she’s in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them.”

A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. “Hi Davey,” she says, “Want your usual table dance?”

Dave’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her and she starts screaming at him.

The cabby turns his head and says, “Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave.”!

Two drunks are sitting at a bar. One says to the other, “Hey ! I hafta take a helluva pissh. Would yeew pleashe go take a pisssh fer me?”

“Suure”. says the other drunk. So he staggers into the men’s room, and after what seemed like an eternity, he comes staggering back out and sits down again beside his buddy.

His buddy says, “Whut thuh hell keppt yuh so long?! Did yeew take a pissh fer me?”

The other drunk says, “Yeew lyein’ baastard !!! Yuuuu din’t haefta Piissh !!!”

A sexy lady in a bar walks up to the counter and motions the bartender over.
She starts to run her fingers through his hair and asks to speak to the manager.
The bartender says, ”He isn’t here but I can do anything the manger can do for
you.” By this time the lady is running her fingers down his face and into his
mouth and is letting him suck on her fingers.

She says, ��you’re sure he isn’t here?”

The bartender says, ”Yes, I’m very sure.”

The lady says, ”Well, I just wanted to tell him there’s no toilet paper or
soap in the women’s restroom.”

A bear walks in to the bar and asks the bartender serve me a drink the bartender says no.the bear ask why? the bartender says we dont serve to bears! the bear gets outraged and starts tearin down the bar and eats a woman and leaves. The next day the bear comes back and tells the bartender to serve him a drink or the samething will happen that happen yesterday and the bartender says I told you we dont serve to bears or drug addicts! the bear says drug addict im not a drug addict!the bartender says what about the BAR BITCH YOU ATE! KEEP IN MIND A BARBITCUATE IS A DRUG

“Do you serve women in this bar?” “No sir, you have to bring your own.”
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by yisman

One evening, Frank was drinking at a bar when the bartender came over to tell
Frank that he had a telephone call.

Frank had just bought another beer and he didn’t want anyone else to drink it.
So, Fred wrote a little sign and left it by his beer that read: “I spit in my
beer.”

When Fred returned to his bar stool, there was another note beside his
beer: “I spit in your beer, too!”

Sitting in the bar George asked his 40-year-old buddy Johnny, “How come you
aren’t married?”

Johnny: “I haven’t found the right woman yet.”

George: “So what are you looking for?”

Johnny: “Oh she’s got to be real pretty, – a good cook and house-keeper, and
she’s got to know how to handle money, a really nice and pleasant personality is
a must -and money, she’s got to have money…and a home, a nice big house, is
what she has to have.”

George: “A woman like that would be crazy to marry YOU.”

Johnny: “Oh, its okay if she is crazy.”

A Canadian is on vacation and walks into a bar.
He sits on this HUGE stool and says to the bartender’ man, I heard things are big down here in Texas, but this is ridiculas!’ and orders a mug of beer.

He gets a pitcher of beer and asks the bartender, ‘man, I heard that things are big down here in Texasm but this is ridiculas!’ and goes about drinking his beer. He orders another and he gets really pissed drunk.

Well, not too long later, he has to go to the bathroom really, really bad so he asks the bartender, ‘Where is your washroom???’ The bartender says, down the hall, second door on the right.’

So the man climbs off the stool and stumbles down the hall and enters the second door to the left and falls in this huge swimming pool.

The man is struggling to stay afloat and screams ‘DON’T FLUSH IT!!!

Late one Friday in Dublin, a policeman spotted a man driving very erratically. He pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening. ”Aye, so I have. ‘Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called ‘Happy Hour’ and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o’ those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and o’ course I had to go in for a couple of Guinness — couldn’t be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later…” And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection. The officer sighed, and said, ”Sir, I’m afraid I’ll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test.” ”Why? Don’t ye believe me?”

yo mama is so fat,when she saw a yellow scholl bus go by she said”hey, stop that twinkey”.