Category: bar & drinking

yo mama so fat she stepped on a dollar bill and made change

Yo mama is like a playstion they both get turned on by ten year old boys

what is the height of sex?

Ans:A pregnant mother giving birth to pregnant daughter.

A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender says, “Dang, why are you drinking so fast?”The guy says, “You would be drinking fast if you had what I had.”The bartender says, “What do you have?”The guy says, “75 cents.”

A guy walks into a bar and orders 5 shots of whiskey.

The barkeep says 5 shots, yes the guy says I’m celebrating my first blowjob.

The barkeep replies hell let me buy you 1.

No thanks the guy says if 5 don’t get the taste out of my mouth, then the 6th
wont matter

when I;m dead in my grave no more pussy will i crave on my gravestone will be seen here lye the bones of a fuckunh machine

A man walks into a bar and sees a guy with a really big lighter.
He asks the man,”Where did you get such a big lighter?”
The man replies,”See that man playing piano over there?
He’s a genie and he’ll grant you one wish.”

So the guy walks over to the genie and says,”I wish for a million bucks.” All of a sudden the room fills up with a million ducks.

The man walks over to the guy with the lighter and says, “That genie is a little hard of hearing isn’t he.”

The guy replies, “no kidding”!
You think I asked for a 14 inch bic!”

An Irishman’s been drinking at a pub all night. When he stands up to leave, he falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, but to no avail. Again, he falls flat on his face. He figures he’ll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside, he stands up and, sure enough, he falls flat on his face. The Irishman decides to crawl the four blocks to his home. When he arrives at the door, he stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches his bed, he tries one more time to stand up. This time, he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed. He is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, ”So, you’ve been out drinking again!” ”Why do you say that?” he asks innocently. ”The pub called. You left your wheelchair there again.”

A neutron walks into a bar. “I’d like a beer,” he says.
The bartender promptly serves up a beer.
� How much will that be?” asks the neutron.
� For you?” replies the bartender, “no charge

A police officer pulled over a driver and informed him that, because he was wearing his seat belt, he had just won $5,000 in a safety competition. ”What are you going to do with the prize money?” the officer asked. The man responded, ”I guess I’ll go to driving school and get my license.” At that moment, his wife, who was seated next to him, chimed in, ”Officer, don’t listen to him. He’s a smart aleck when he’s drunk.” This woke up the guy in the back seat, who, when he saw the cop, blurted out, ”I knew we wouldn’t get far in this stolen car.” At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a voice asked ”Are we over the border yet?”

your mama like a ice cream cone everybody gets a lick

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, “You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time.” The Irishman replies, “Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I’m here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the day when we drank together.” The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.”

The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. “Oh, no,” he says, “everyone’s fine. I’ve just quit drinking.”