Category: bar & drinking

sabi ni kit saan mo binili yang damit mo sinongkit

What did Mohammed say to Sahid just before they got on the plane? “Is that a bomb in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”

Two drunks were in a bar feeling angry.

Then Angry got mad and walked out.

a man and his wife stopped in at a bar,sat down on a stool beside this guy,after a while this man let go with a sizzler the man with his wife ask,did you fart fore my wife,the man replied,didn’t know it was her turn.

A guy and his wife walked into a bar one day, the wife takes a seat and the guy goes up to the bar.

The barman goes over to the guy and asks him what he wants, the guy replies”, I’ll have a bottle of bud and an orange juice for the jackass”.

The barman looks at the guy puzzled but say’s nothing and gives the guy his drink. this happens twice more.

A couple of hours pass and the guy goes to the mens room and his wife goes up to the bar. This time she orders the drinks.

The barman gets the drinks and says, “it’s probably none of my business, but I think you should know that your husband has been referring to you as the jackass. I just had to tell you because I dont think it’s very fair for him to call you that”.

The woman turns to him and smiles and says…
“Oh, dont worry, it’s ok – heaw, heaw, he always calls me that”!

The Reverend John Fuzz was pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day he was walking down Main Street and he happened to notice a female member of his congregation sitting in the town bar, drinking beer. The reverend thought this was sinful and not something a member of his congregation should do, so he walked through the open door of the bar and sat down next to the woman.”Mrs. Fitzgerald,” the reverend said sternly.”This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don’t you let me take you home?” “Shure,” she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.When Mrs. Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth. The reverend realised that she had had too much to drink and he grabbed hold of her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor. After rolling around for a few seconds, the reverend wound up lying on top of Mrs. Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist. The bartender looked over the bar and said, “Here, here, buddy, we won’t have any of that carrying on in this bar.”The reverend looked up at the bartender and said, “But you don’t understand, I’m Pastor Fuzz.”The bartender nodded.”Well if you’re that far you may as well finish.”

you is soooo skiny if you had a lot of hair on your head you would look like a used q-tip.

A gay guy walks into a bar and says “bartender give me a brewskie.”

The bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind here.”

The gay continues, “I’ll just sit in the corner and drink my beer and won’t say anything.”

The bartender says, “Well, all right!” and pours a beer.

A while later a cowboy walks in and says “Bartender give me a beer!  I’m so thirsty I could lick the  sweat off a cow’s balls”

A voice is heard from the corner. “Moo!  Moo!  Buckaroo!”

knock knock

“whos there?”

Boo
“boo who”

Dont cry its only a joke

Two rednecks are driving down the highway, drinking their beer, when flashing
lights from a policeman appear in the driver’s rear-view mirror. ”Don’t
worry!” says the driver to his friend, ”Just do exactly what I tell you and
everything will work out perfectly. First, we’ll peel the labels off our beer
bottles and we’ll each stick one on our forehead. Now shove all of the bottles
under the front seat! And, let me do all the talking!”

They pull over to the side of the road and the cop walks up to the car. He
shines his flashlight into the car and looks at the two drunks. ”Have you been
drinking?” he asks them.

”Oh no Sir,” replies the driver.

”I noticed you weaving back and forth across the highway. Are you sure you
haven’t been drinking?” the cop asks.

”Oh, no sir,” the drunk answers. ”We haven’t had a thing to drink
tonight.”

”Well, I’ve got to ask you,” says the cop, ”What on earth are those things
on your forehead?”

”That’s easy, Officer,” says the drunk. ”You see, we’re both alcoholics,
and we’re on the patch!”

My god! What happened to you?” the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.”I got in a tiff with Riley.””Riley? He’s just a wee fellow,” the barkeep said, surprised. “He must have had something in his hand.””That he did,” Kelly said. “A shovel it was.””Dear Lord. Didn’t you have anything in your hand?” “Aye, that I did, Mrs. Riley’s tit,” Kelly said. “And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight.”

A guy walks into a bar and rudely demands a shot of 12-yr old scotch.

The bartender thinks “this guy doesn’t know the difference,” so he pours a shot of 2-year old scotch.

The patron takes one sip and spits it out. He promptly hollers at the bartender I said 12-year old scotch, you bozo!”

Still unimpressed the bartender pours some 6-year old scotch.
The patron takes a sip…same reaction.

But the bartender still doesn’t believe the patron knows the difference. So he pours a shot of 10-year old scotch. Again, same reaction from the patron.

Finally, the bartender is convinced. He pours the patron a glass of 12-year-old scotch. The patron takes a sip and is most satisfied.

All the while this has been going on, a drunk at the end of the bar has been watching.

He slides a shot glass down the bar to the patron and drunkedly says:
“Shay mishter, tashte this!” The patron obliges…he promptly spits it out.

“That tastes like pee!,” he shoots back at the drunk.

The drunk replies: “It ish. Now how old am I?”