Category: bar & drinking

whats the fatty tissue around the clitoris called?………..the wife!!!

Q: HOW MENY REDNECKS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?
A: 2: ONE TO HOLD THE BULB AND THE OTHER TO TURN THE LADDER

next time u get cald a bitch by some 1 u hate run hurd run fast & dont look back.
B-beautiful
I-individul
T-that
C-can
H-handle any thing

A little old lady wanted to join a biker club.

She knocked on the door of a local biker club and a big, hairy, bearded biker
with tattoos all over his arms answers the door.

She proclaimed, “I want to join your biker club�.

The guy was amused and told her that she needed to meet certain biker
requirements before she was allowed to join.

So the biker asked her, “You have a bike?”

The little old lady said, “Yeah, that’s my Harley over there�, and points to a
Harley parked in the driveway.

The biker asked her, “Do you smoke?”

The little old lady said, “Yeah, I smoke. I smoke four packs of cigarettes a
day and a couple of cigars while I’m shooting pool.”

The biker was impressed and asked, “Well, have you ever been picked up by the
fuzz?”

The little old lady said, “No, I’ve never been picked up by the fuzz, but I’ve
been swung around by my nipples a few times�.

A cop waited outside a popular pub hoping to nab a drink-driver. At closing time, as everyone came out, he spotted his potential quarry.The man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk. He stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes looking for his car.After trying his keys on five others, he finally found his own vehicle. He sat in the car a good 10 minutes as the other pub patrons left.He turned his lights on, then off. He started to pull forward into the grass, then stopped. Finally, when his was the last car, he pulled out onto the road and started to drive away.The cop, waiting for this, turned on his lights and pulled the man over. He administered the breathalyzer test and, to his great surprise, the man easily passed. The cop was dumbfounded.’This equipment must be broken,’ exclaimed the policeman.’I doubt it,’ said the man. ‘Tonight I’m the designated decoy.’

McPherson walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.
“S’cuse me,” said another bar patron, who was puzzled over what McPherson had done. “What was that all about?”

“Nothing,” said the Irishman, “my wife sent me out for a jar of olives.”

An Indian walks into a bar with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of manure in the other. He says to the bartender, “Me want beer.”

The bartender says, “Sure chief, coming right up.”. He gets the Indian a tall draft beer and the Indian drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket, throws it into the air and blasts it with the shotgun, then he walks out.

Four days later the Indian returns. He has a shotgun in one hand and another bucket of manure in the other. He walks up to the bar and says to the bartender, “Me want beer.”

The bartender says, “Whoa, Tonto, we’re still cleaning up from the last time you were in here. What was that all about, anyway?”

The Indian says, “Me in training for job as government employee: drink beer, shoot shit, then no show up for four days.

A guy is tending bar at a sophisticated NY party when two nose-in-the-air women approach.

“So, where y’all from?” he asks.

“We are from,” one of them answers, “somewhere where people don’t end their sentences with prepositions.”

“Oh,” says the bartender. “So, where y’all from, bitch!”

What do you call a zebra

a horse that surrports newcastle.

A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as quickly as he can.

The bartender asks, “My goodness, why are you drinking so fast?’

The guy replies, “You would be drinking just as fast if you had what I have.”

The bartender looks at him curiously and says, “What do you have?”

The guy responds, “An empty wallet.”

Submitted by calamjo
Edited by yisman

Jesus recently walked into a bar somewhere in the Western World. He approached three sad-faced gentlemen at a table, and greeted the first one: “What’s troubling you, brother?” he said.

“My eyes. I keep getting stronger and stronger glasses, and I still can’t see.” Jesus touched the man, who ran outside to tell the world about his now 20-20 vision.

The next gentleman couldn’t hear Jesus’ questions, so The Lord just touched his ears, restoring his hearing to perfection.

This man, too, ran out the door, probably on his way to the audiologist to get a hearing-aid refund.

The third man leapt from his chair and backed up against the wall, even before Jesus could greet him. “Don’t you come near me, man! Don’t touch me!” he screamed. “I’m on disability!”

One day a guy walks in a bar and asks for five shots of whiskey.

The bartender asks why.

The guy says, “I found out my brother is gay.”

The same guy, comes in the next day and asks for ten shots of whiskey.

The bartender asks why.

The guys says, “I found out my other brother is gay.”

The next day, the same guy comes in and asks for fifteen shots of whiskey.

The bartender asks why.

The guy says, “I found out my other brother is gay.”

The bartender says, “Doesn’t anyone like pussy anymore?”

The guy says, “Yeah, my sister.”