Category: bar & drinking

SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, beer is unusually pale and clear. FAULT: Glass empty. ACTION: Find someone who will buy you another beer. SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, and the front of your shirt is wet. FAULT: Mouth not open when drinking or glass applied to wrong part of face. ACTION: Buy another beer and practice in front of mirror. Drink as many as needed to perfect drinking technique. SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet. FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle. ACTION: Turn glass other way up so that open end points toward ceiling. SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet. FAULT: Improper bladder control. ACTION: Go stand next to nearest dog. After a while complain to the owner about its lack of house training and demand a beer as compensation. SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass. ACTION: Find someone who will buy you another beer. SYMPTOM: Floor swaying. FAULT: Excessive air turbulence, perhaps due to air-hockey game in progress. ACTION: Insert broom handle down back of jacket. SYMPTOM: Floor moving. FAULT: You are being carried out. ACTION: Find out if you are taken to another bar. If not, complain loudly that you are being kidnapped. SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with ceiling tiles and fluorescent light strip across it. FAULT: You have fallen over backward. ACTION: If your glass is full and no one is standing on your drinking arm, stay put. If not, get someone to help you get up, latch yourself to bar. SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dim, mouth full of cigarette butts. FAULT: You have fallen forward. ACTION: See above. SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dark. FAULT: The Bar is closing. ACTION: Panic. SYMPTOM: You awaken to find your bed hard, cold and wet. You cannot see your bedroom. FAULT: You have spent the night in the gutter. ACTION: Check your watch to see if bars are open yet. If not, treat yourself to a lie-in.

one nite 3 blonds go

what has got 6 eyes anc carnt see 3 blinde mice

New guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar.

FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS OUR TEST!

So the guy asks the bartender what the test is. The Bartender replies “Well,
first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the whole thing at
once and you can’t make a face while doing it. Second, there’s a ‘gator out back
with a sore tooth…you have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there’s a
woman up-stairs who’s never had an orgasm. You got to make things right for
her.”
The guy says, “Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won’t do it. You
have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then get crazier from
there. Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, “Where sat
tequila?”

He grabs the gallon of tequila with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp
and tears streaming down his face. Next, he staggers out back and soon all the
people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence.

The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped, and big scratches all
over his body. “Now” he says “Where’s that woman with the sore tooth?”

Three guys walk up to a bar, the two dumb guys walk into the bar and the third guy ducked.

This gay guy walks into the bar and says,� Bartender I am gay but I would like
to stay and have a drink�.

So he replied�, Ok, you can stay if you go to the end of the bar and not mess
with anyone.”

So the guy accepted and walked away.

A little while after that a big John Wayne Character walks in as says�,
Bartender, I’d Like a brew sky.”

Well, the bartender gave it to him and the Character drank it in one sip.

He slammed down the mug and said�, I fell like a stud bull!” and the gay guy
said,”Mooo!”

Even if you hate seafood you can go on a seafood diet….. so whenever you see food you eat it!!

Micheal jackson was walking on the beech and walked in front of a lady and she yelled hey get out of my son.

Rodney walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, give me two shots. One for me
and one for my best buddy here.”
The bartender says, “You want both drinks now or do you want me to wait until
your buddy arrives to pour his?”

Rodney says, “Oh, I want them both now. I’ve got my best buddy in my pocket
here.” With that he pulls out a little 3-inch man from his pocket.

The bartender says, “Wow! And you mean to say he can drink that much?” “Oh,
sure. He can drink it all, and then some�, the man retorted. So the bartender
poured the two shots.

Sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up.
“That’s amazing,” says the bartender. “What else can he do? Can he walk?”
Rodney flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar

and says, “Hey, Algo fetch that quarter�. The little guy runs down to the end
of the bar, picks up the quarter, and runs back down and gives it to Rodney.
The bartender is totally amazed by this display. “That’s amazing,” he says,
“what else can he do? Does he talk?”

Rodney looks up at the bartender with a look of surprise in his eye and
squawks, “Talk? Sure he talks. Hey Al, tell him about that time we were in down
in Africa on safari and you insulted that witch doctor!”

The horse walked into a bar.

Then the bartender sayes why the long face.

haahahaha.

A man walks into a bar and says outch

why is 6 scard of 7?because 7 anit 9.