Yours Fun Portal !
A construction worker goes to the doctor and says, “Doc, I’m constipated.”
The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, “Lean over the table.”
The construction worker leans over the table, the doctor whacks him on the ass with a baseball bat, and then sends him into the bathroom. He comes out a few minutes later and says, “Doc, I feel great. What should I do?”
The doctor says, “Stop wiping with cement bags.”
Era un m�dico que no trataba muy bien a sus pacientes, ya que los remedios que daba no eran muy buenos; un d�a Juan, Luis y Jorge traman un plan. El plan consist�a en decirle al doctor que sufr�an una enfermedad muy extra�a para que el doctor no pudiera dar ning�n remedio.
Ese d�a entr� primero Luis y el doctor le pregunt�:
“�Qu� le pasa a usted?”
“Pues es muy extra�o, si como ensalada cago la ensalada intacta; si como arroz tambi�n lo cago igualito que cuando me lo com�”.
“Pues coma mierda para que cague mierda”.
Y Luis se fue furioso; luego entr� Juan y dijo:
“Doctor, tengo un dolor de cabeza a veces s�, a veces no, a veces s�, a veces no”.
“Pues aqu� tiene estas pastillas, t�meselas a veces s�, a veces no, a veces s�, a veces no”.
Y Juan se fue furioso. Entr� Jorge y dijo:
“Doctor, tengo algo adentro que me sube y me baja”.
“Eso es un peo indeciso”.
“�C�mo es eso?”
“�Bueno, que con la cara de culo que tienes no halla si salir por abajo o por arriba!”
25> Party’s Over
24> U Suk*Pak Up
23> Buh-Bye Now
22> UR SOL! :-O
21> Go2 Jobs.com
19> Dear X-Worker
18> Adieu2Yieu
17> Door/Ass/Out
16> SleepIn4evr!
15> U R SO Scrwd
14> Got boxes?
13> Sux2BeU2day
12> URWeakestLnk
11> NanaHeyHey..
10> SenorLastDay
9> DontGoPostal
8> CUwldntwnaBU
7> L8er, LUser
6> HopeULikeTV
5> CUL8R…NOT!
4> # D Pavement
3> U R Toast
2> Stee-rike 3!
1> URTrmn8d,Fkr
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the bartender, “Give me six double vodkas.”
The barman says “Wow! you must have had one hell of a day.”
“Yes, I’ve just found out my older brother is gay.”
The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks.
When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, “I’ve just found out that my younger brother is gay too!”
On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.
The bartender said “Jesus! Doesn’t anybody in your family like women?”
“Yeah, my wife…”
Five Gay guys enter a hot tub. Suddenly they see a condom
floating around. Then someone asked,”O.K. Who farted?”
You believe the staff room should be equipped with a Valium salt lick.
You find humor in other people’s stupidity.
You want to slap the next person who says “Must be nice to work 8 to 3:20 and have summers free.”
You believe chocolate is a food group.
You can tell if it’s a full moon without ever looking outside.
You believe “Shallow gene pool” should have its own box in the report card.
You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says “Boy, the kids sure are mellow today.
When out in public you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior.
You have no life between August to June.
When you mention “Vegetables” you’re not talking about a food group.
You think people should be required to get a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.
You wonder how some parents ever MANAGED to reproduce.
You believe in aerial spraying of Prozak.
You believe no one should be permitted to reproduce without having taught in an elementary setting for the last 10 years.
You’ve ever had your profession slammed by someone who would “Never DREAM” of doing your job.
You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.
You know you are in for a major project when a parent says “I have a great idea I’d like to discuss. I think it would be such fun.”
You want to choke a person when he or she says “Oh, you must have such FUN everyday. This must be like playtime for you.”
Meeting a child’s parent instantly answers the question “Why is this kid like this?”
Build something foolproof and every fool will use it.
This morning, National Public Radio reported that Monica Lewinsky had been in
an accident with her Sport Utility Vehicle. Immediately, four things came to my
mind:
1. She must have blown a rod.
2. Obviously, her driving sucks too.
3. It’s not the first time she flipped over something with a spare tire.
4. I wonder how badly THIS accident stained her dress?
Doctor, doctor, my sister here keeps thinking she’s invisible.
Doctor: Which sister?
Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.
At a World Brewing Convention in the United States, the CEOs of various brewing organizations retired to the bar at the end of each day’s conferencing.Bruce, the boss of Fosters, shouted to the barman, ‘in ‘Strailya, we make the best bloody beer in the world, so pour me a Fosters, cobber.’Rob, chief of Budweiser, calls out, ‘In the States, we brew the finest beers of the world, and I make the king of them all. Give me a pint of Bud.’Hans steps up next, ‘In Germany we invented beer. Give me a Weisen, the real king of beers.’Up steps Dutchman Jan, chief executive of Grolsch, who states that Grolsch is the ultimate beer and asks for one with two fingers of head on top.Patrick, the CEO of Guinness, steps forward. ‘Barman, give me a coke with ice please.’The other four stare at him in stunned silence with amazement written all over their faces. Eventually Bruce asks, ‘Are you not going to have a Guinness, Pat?’Patrick replies, ‘Well, if you bastards aren’t drinking, then neither am I’
Ole and Lars who worked together were both laid off, so off they were to
the unemployment office. Asked his occupation, Ole said, “Panty stitcher.
I sew the elastic onto cotton panties.” The clerk looked up panty
stitcher. Finding it classified as unskilled labor, she gave Ole $300 a
week unemployment pay.
Lars was asked his occupation. “Diesel fitter,” he replied. Since diesel
fitters was a skilled job the clerk gave him $600 a week.
When Ole finds out he is furious. He stormed back to find out why Lars,
his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay. The clerk
explained, “Panty stitchers were unskilled and diesel fitters were skilled
labor.” “What skill?” yelled Ole. “I sew the elastic on. He pulls on it
and says, ‘Yep, diesel fitter.'”