Author: admin

Little Johnny returns from school after the weekend.”Now kids. Who wants to tell me what they got up to on the weekend?”asks the teacher.Little Johnny puts his hand up, but the teacher knows that Johnny can’t refrain from swearing, so she ignores him. Tina has her hand up so the teahcer says “Yes Tina. What did you do on the weekend?””Well Miss. I went over my fwends house, and we played Barbies and had midnight snacks and stuff”, replies Tina.”That sounds great,” replies the teacher.”Who else is going to tell me what they did on the weekend?”Little Johnny has his hand up.”No Johnny,” replies the teacher.”You swear to much.””Damn you,” says Johnny.The teacher sees that Sean has his hand up.”Yes Sean,” She says.”WHat did you do on the weekend?””Wellll miss,” he says.”I went to my Brothers and we played G.I. Joes and stuff.””Anybody else?” she asks. She sees that Johnny still has his hand up.”Okay Johnny,” she says.”As long as you promise not to swear.””ok.””Well tell the class what you did then,” says the teacher.”I went to my dads Miss,” he says.”So far so good,” says the teacher.”We went fishing,” Says Johnny.” and we found and caught some toads.””Sounds interesting.” Says the teacher.”Then we shoved fire-crackers up their arses.””RECTUM Johnny. RECTUM!” says the teacher.”RECTUM MISS?” Johnny yelled.”WE BLEW THE FUCK OUTTA THEM!”THE END

This suave-looking Redneck, (ok, just pretend there is one) walks into a bar and sees a cute little rich girl who’s had too much to drink.

He says to her, “Hey, baby…whataya say we go back to your place and get it on! Lost in her drink, she replies – “Sure, why not!”

They get to her place, and she lies on the bed and says, “Ok, show me what you do best!”.

Without delay, the Redneck rips off his jacket, –
grabs her T.V., VCR, and purse and runs out the door!

Two military policemen were chasing a fleeing draftee from The military base.
The draftee ran into the courtyard of a convent where a nun was seated on a round bench beneath a tree quietly reading a book. He said to her “quick sister, please hide me I don’t want to be Drafted and the MP’s are chasing me!” She lifted up her skirts and said hide under my skirt.

The two policemen came By and asked if she had seen anyone. She replied “no”.

After they left she told the young boy to come out all was OK He said you have a nice set of legs for a nun! She replied if you reach up a little farther you’ll find a set of balls! I’m not going to be drafted either!

Frente a un manicomio, a un tipo se le poncha una llanta de su auto. Muy enojado iba retrasado, se baja a cambiarla. Un interno del manicomio lo observa a trav�s de la reja, mientras maldice su suerte; al percatarse de eso, se enfurece a�n m�s. En un descuido, el individuo tira las tuercas a una alcantarilla.

“�Maldita sea! �Ahora qu� voy ha hacer? �C�mo pongo la llanta?”

El loco sigue curioseando y le pregunta al hombre:

“�Se le fueron las tuercas a la alcantarilla, verdad?”

“Pues s�, �qu� no ves? �Y ahora no s� c�mo hacerle, ya se me hizo muy tarde!”

“Oiga, se�or, �y cu�ntas tuercas tiene cada llanta?”

“Pues cuatro, �qu� no sabes?”

“Entonces, �por qu� no le quita una a cada llanta, as� todas quedan con tres?”

El sujeto, asombrado por el consejo que le dio el orate, se pone a quitar una tuerca a cada llanta, y as� soluciona su problema. Cuando ya est� listo para seguir su camino le agradece al chalado el consejo:

“Te agradezco mucho que me hayas dado tan buena idea; pero se ve que eres inteligente �por qu� entonces estas ah� adentro?”

“Ah, pues es que estoy aqu� por loco, no por pendejo”.