“There’s an old saying in Tennessee � I know it’s in Texas, probably in
Tennessee � that says, fool me once, shame on � shame on you. Fool me � you
can’t get fooled again.” �George W. Bush, Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002″See,
we love � we love freedom. That’s what they didn’t understand. They hate things;
we love things. They act out of hatred; we don’t seek revenge, we seek justice
out of love.” �George W. Bush, Oklahoma City.
Author: admin
Tgif
why do blondes put tgif on their trainers ?
it stands for
Toe Goes In First
Stuff to Think Of
These are some of the things I think about when I’m home alone
and the TV is broken.
* Why is an orange the only fruit named after its color? Or was
the color named after the fruit?
* Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
* Do they have reserved parking for regular people at the
Special Olympics?
* Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
* Is a computer virus covered by Medicare?
* How do you know when a Smurf suffocates?
* If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the
words?
* In Chinese, why are the words for crisis and opportunity the
same?
* Where do swear words come from?
* Why do people use the word “irregardless”?
* Why does “slow down” and “slow up” mean the same thing?
* Why is it that we recite at a play and play at a recital?
* How does skating on thin ice get you into hot water?
* Why do they have signs at Burger King that say, “Picture menus
available for those who need them”? If you can’t read, how can
you ask for a picture menu?
* If a case of the clap spreads is it called applause?
* Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
* Why does “cleave” mean both split apart and stick together?
* Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
* Why are they called “stands” when they’re made for sitting?
* Why is it called “after dark”, when it is really after light?
* Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become
the expected?
* If FedEx and UPS were to merge, would they call it FedUp?
* Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
* Why do they report power outages on TV? I mean, duh!
* If the insurance companies are going to set guidelines before
approving Viagra coverage, what are they going to use? A growth
chart?
* If a light-sleeper sleeps with a light on, what does a
hard-sleeper sleep with?
* Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a
suitcase?
* Why do we wash bath towels? Aren’t we clean when we use them?
* Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
$20 – $15 = $5
A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change.
When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided.
The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter.
The total amount of cash he got from the drawer…$15.
Yo Mama Head…..
YO MAMA HEAD SO SMALL, SHE HAS TO USE A TEA BAG FOR A PILLOW!
Mr. John Hinckley…
Mr. John Hinckley
St. Elizabeth’s Hospital
Washington D.C.
Dear John,
Hillary and I wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased we
are with the great strides you are making in your recovery. In our
Country’s new spirit of understanding and forgiveness we want you to know
there is a bilateral consensus of compassion and forgiveness abroad
throughout the land.
Hillary and I want you to know that no grudge is born against you for
shooting President Reagan. We, above all are aware of how the mental
stress and pain could have driven you to such an act of desperation.
Hillary and I are confident that you will soon make a complete recovery and
return to your family to join the world again as a healthy and productive
young man.
Best wishes,
Bill Clinton
P.S. Guess you heard Ken Starr is having an affair with Jodie Foster.
Dead Lawyers
The gate between heaven and hell collapsed. Saint Peter and
Satan argued who was responsible. Saint Peter said he would hire
a lawyer to defend the interests of heaven. Satan says “Where
are you going to get a lawyer? I’ve got them all!”
One day on the first day of school
One day on the first day of school, a teacher was taking attendance and
noticed that many students of hers were missing…..a few minutes� passes and
Tony walks in. The teacher Miss Rose asked “where he had been”. Tony says “oh…
I was on top of strawberry hill. Miss Rose says okay. Don’t let it happen again.
Then 10 minutes passes. Drew walks in and Miss Rose asked “where he had been.”
He says on top of Strawberry hill. Miss Rose says “okay, don�t let it happen
again. Then 15 minutes passes by and Mike walks in. Miss Rose asked “where he
had been.” He says on top of Strawberry hill. Miss Rose was starting to wonder
what was going on up there but she minds her business and figures there’s a car
accident or something. Then finally 2 hrs later a little girl walks in and Miss
Rose asked “where have you been, on top of strawberry hill?”…The little girl
goes. No Miss Rose I am Strawberry Hill……
An emergency landing
According to “The Australian,” an airliner recently encountered severe
vibration in flight.
The captain decided to make an emergency landing, and switched on the seat
belt sign.
The vibration stopped immediately.
A passenger emerged from a lavatory and explained that he had been jogging in
place inside.
Battered Women
I read last week how there are more than one million battered women in the United States each year.All these years I’ve been eating them raw.
That’s a Democrat for you
A Republican, a Libertarian, and a Democrat are seated separately in a restaurant when a poor man walks in; unbeknownst to any of them, it is Jesus.
The Republican summons the waiter and asks him to serve the poor man the best food in the house and put it on his tab; the waiter does so.
The Libertarian asks the waiter to please serve the poor man iced tea and to put it on his tab. The waiter does so.
The Democrat then asks the waiter to bring the poor man pecan pie with ice cream and to put it on his tab.
When Jesus is finished eating, He goes over to the Republican and says, “I was hungry and you gave Me something to eat. Thank you. I see you are blind.” and He touches the man’s eye, and it is healed.
Jesus then goes over to the Libertarian and says, “I was thirsty and you gave Me something to drink. Thank you. I see you have a bad arm.” and He touches the man’s arm, and it is healed.
Then Jesus walks over to the Democrat. The Democrat moves far back from Jesus and exclaims, “Don’t touch me!! I’m on 100% disability!!”
Wife Control
There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.
After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, “Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?”
The third fellow says, “I’ll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees.”
The first two guys were amazed.
“What happened then?” they asked.
She said, �Get out from under the bed and fight like a man.”