Monica went up to the pharmacist and stated, “I need to buy condoms.”
The pharmacist looked up and asked, “Shall I put it on your bill?”
“No, thanks,” Monica responded. “I prefer to put them on him myself.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited Glaci
Author: admin
What do blonds and s
Q: What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?A: They both wriggle when you eat them.
Dos monjas que est�n siendo
Dos monjas que est�n siendo violadas y una dice:
“Padre, perd�nalo porque no sabe lo que hace.”
A lo que la otra replica:
“Ser� el tuyo, porque el m�o lo hace como los dioses.”
Walks home.
Q: What’s the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A1: Introduces themselves.
A2: Walks home.
Catch the Bus
Your momma is so fat . . .
When she walks down the street in a yellow raincoat, people chase after her thinking they missed the bus!
Stars in there eyes
A man goes onto Stars in there eyes,the audience clap wildley as as he walks onto the stage.
He is greeted by Mathew Kelly who introduces him as “Steve, a mechanic from Manchester”. Steve gives a brief description of himself, and Mathew asks, ” Who are you going to be tonight Steve?” To which he replies, “Tonight mathew i`m going to be Glen Miller.”
Steve turns,walks up the steps, the sliding doors open, and he walks off into the mist…. and no ones seen him since.
The Call of Nature
Stascz and Janos went for a walk in the countryside. After a while, Stascz had to answer a call of nature. Spying an outhouse, he excused himself.Janos waited for Stascz…and waited, and waited. Finally, he looked inside and saw Stascz stirring around in the outhouse muck with a stick.”Stascz, what the hell are you doing, stirring in the shit?” he yells.”I dropped my jacket down the hole,” he complains.”It’s the one my momma gave me.”Janos shakes his head.”You’re crazy–you not gonna wear that thing now, are you?””Hell no,” Stascz assures him, “but there’s a baloney sandwich in one of the pockets!”
Finding A Mirror
Two blondes are walking down the street when one of them looks down and finds a mirror. She picks it up, looks at it.
“WOW! I know this person. I’ve seen this person before.”
The other blonde takes the mirror and looks at it and says, “Of course you do. That�s me!”
You might be a Redneck JEDI if…
You might be a Redneck Jedi if…
===========================================
* You ever heard the phrase, “May the force be with y’all.”
* Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
* You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
* At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.
* You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
* You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.
* The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
* Wookiees are offended by your B.O.
* You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn’t have to wait for a commercial.
* You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling.
* Your father has ever said to you, “Shoot, son come on over to the dark side…it’ll be a hoot.”
* You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light up.
* You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.
* You ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
* You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.
* Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
* You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
* You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.
* You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.
* If you hear . . . “Luke, I am your father… and your uncle…”
THE FAMILY
OK GET THIS. OK THERES A MOTHER,A FATHER,A SON,AND A DAUGHTER THAY WERE HAVING SOME GUESTS FOR DINNER THAT NITE THE FATHER TELLS THE SON TO GO GET A HOT DOG AND NOT TO GET CANDY SO THE LITTLE BOY IS AT THE CANDY STORE GOES UP TO THE CLERK AND SAYS”DO YOU HAVE A KNIFE?” THE CLERK SAYS”YES” AND HANDS HIM THE KNIFE THE SON SAID TO THE CLERK “DO YOU HAVE A BATHROOM?” THE CLERK KNODS YES AND POINTS TO IT.THE BOY WENT IN THE BATHROOM WITH THE KNIFE AND CUTS OF HIS DICK GETS CANDY WITH THE MONEY GETS BACK TO THE HOUSE AND THE MOTHER ASKS THE DAUGHTER TO GO GET A PUSSY (CAT) AND TOLD HER NOT TO BUY ANY GLITER THE MOTHER GIVES HER MONEY THE DAUGHTER GOES TO THE GLITER SHOP AND ASKS THE CLERK”DO YOU HAVE A KNIFE?” THE CLERK SAYS “YES” AND HANDS IT TO HER THEN SHE ASKS “DO HAVE A BATHROOM?” HE KNODES YES AND POINTS. SHE GOES IN AND CUTS OFF HER PUSSY GETS GLITER WITH THE MONEY BACK HOME THE DAD ASKS THE SON IF HE CAN GO GET MEAT BALLS AND TELLS HIM NOT TO BUY CANDY AND GIVES HIM MONEY HE GOES TO THE CANDY STORE AND WELL YOU ALREADY KNOWS WHAT HAPENS BACK HOME MOMS NOW MAKING DINNER ITS CHRISTMAS AND MOM GAVE SIS HER PRESENT (THE PUSSY) DAD GIVES BRO HIS PRESENT AND ITS CANDY LATER THAT NITE THAY STARTED EATING THERE FOOD I HOPE THAY GOT WHAT THAY WANTED. THE END
Vegi demand
What do you call a demand from a vegitable?
An Altomato
Polaks Building A House
These two Polaks are building a house. One of them is putting on the siding. He picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another nail, throws it away. Picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another, throws it away. This goes on for a while, and finally his friend comes over and asks him why he is throwing half of the nails away.
He replies, “Those ones were pointed on the wrong end.”
The buddy gets exasperated and says…
“You idiot, those are for the other side of the house!”