Q. What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
A. Outlaws are wanted.
Author: admin
Got Any Grapes?
A ducks walks into a bar and asks, “Got any grapes?”The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn’t serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves. The next day, the duck returns and says, “Got any grapes?”Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves. The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: ”Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!” The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, ”Got any nails?” Confused, the bartenders says no. ”Good!” says the duck. ”Got any grapes?”
Un se�or mientras com�a en
Un se�or mientras com�a en un lujoso restaurant nota que todos los camareros tienen una cuchara en el bolsillo de su chaqueta y un hilo colgando del zipper del pantal�n. Llama a uno y le pregunta:
“�Para qu� es la cuchara?”
“Luego de un peque�o estudio, nuestro jefe determin� que se perd�a demasiado tiempo buscando cucharas en la cocina cada vez que un cliente solicitaba una.”
“�Y el hilo?”
“Tambi�n es para ganar tiempo. Cada vez que vamos al ba�o s�lo halamos del hilo y nuestro bin-bin sale, orinamos y as� no tenemos que lavarnos las manos.”
“Ok, �pero c�mo lo vuelven a meter?
“Yo no s� los otros, yo uso la cuchara…”
The Mountains
Do mountains have ears?……………………………………………
Yes mountaineers!!!!!!
Iba un negro millonario en
Iba un negro millonario en su carro �ltimo modelo cuando se encuentra a un tipo blanco pidiendo avent�n.
El tipo negro penso: “Si llevo a este tipo blanco podr� humillarlo. Todos se dar�n cuenta que un negro le da avent�n a un blanco.”
El negro decide darle avent�n al blanco y lo sube en los asientos traseros del carro. El negro decide pasar a la gasolinera para humillar al tipo blanco.
En la gasolinera se acerca la persona que atiende y le dice al tipo blanco que iba atr�s:
“�Qu� buen chofer ten�s!”
El tipo negro se va muy enojado, luego le dice al tipo blanco: “Si quer�s que te de avent�n, ahora te toca conducir.”
M�s adelante deciden pasar a una gasolinera en donde se acerca el tipo que atend�a y le dice al negro que estaba sentado en la parte de atr�s:
“�Buen avent�n te conseguiste, negro huev�n!”
Vacuum Cleaner
What do a blonde and a vacuum cleaner have in common?
They both suck, blow and get laid in the closet.
Knock KnockWho’s there?Ringo!Ringo who?Ringo round
Knock KnockWho’s there?Ringo!Ringo who?Ringo round the roses!
Cross Country runners do it longer….
Cross Country runners do it longer.
bin laden FOUND!
Bin laden was found yesterday.
he was hiding behind the cookie shop
with the afgans
whatttt?!?
There are two farmers in a small village.They have been togeather since childhood.They say they
are very close friends.They are both married but only one of them has children.The other one is suffering very much from having none.So the other day the poor one comes to his friend and asks him to have a serious talk.He explains his unfortune and suggests his friend to have an intercourse with his wife in hoping to get her pregnant.They fix a day and time.One morning his friend comes over and he is met by his friend at the entrance of his house.The poor guy looks very nervous and smokes one fag after another.He lets his friend in and waits outside.After a short while the door opens and the man comes out looks a bit discontent.What’s up?-asks the other.Don’t ask,I was not in a good mood,so she just did me a blowjob.
Grandpa dies while having sex
Jenny’s grandfather recently died of a heart attack. After the
funeral, she is talking privately with her grandmother. Jenny
asks, “How did it happen”
The grandmother replies, “It happened on Sunday during sex.”
Shocked and appalled, Jenny asks, “Well, isn’t it kind of asking
for trouble if you’re having sex at the age of 89?”
“No! Of course not, deary, we do it every Sunday! We even did
it in time with the church bells. You know, in with the dings,
out with the dongs.”
Granny starts crying now and Jenny politely asks, “Whats wrong?”
Her grandmother exclaims balling her ass off, “If only it wasn’t
for that damn ice cream truck!!!”
Germans Retain Surnames
BONN, Germany (Reuter) — Thousands of Germans are keeping unfortunate surnames such as Kotz (Vomit), Moerder (Murder), Brathuhn (Roast chicken) and even Hitler, even though they could legally change them, a magazine reported Sunday.
The German phonebook lists hundreds of people with the surname Faul (Lazy), Fett (Fat), Dreckmann (Filth-man), Dumm (Stupid) and Schwein (Pig), the weekly Focus magazine said in an advance release ahead of publication Monday.
Unflatteringly named Germans said that they mainly had problems with their names as children and that later in life they had decided not to bow to social pressure to change them.
“Why should I have a different name from my father and grandfather?” said one Herr Schwein.