Rather strict English teacher also had the responsibility of teaching
�homemaking,� as home economics used to be called. The teacher noticed a student
carefully applying lipstick and powder, rather than doing her home ec lesson.
�Jenny,� said the teacher, �you pay more attention to your makeup than you do
to your homemaking lessons.�
�Well, said Jenny, �before I can home make, I have to catch someone with
whom.�
Author: admin
The best pub
A Scottish man, an Englishman and an Irishman were sitting in a pub discussing
the best pubs around. The Englishman says, ��there’s a pub in the West Midlands
where the landlord buys you a drink for every that you buy.” The Scot is not
impressed and says, ��that’s nothing! In the Highlands every time you buy a
drink the landlord buys you five.” At this point the Englishman is fairly
impressed. The Irishman, totally unimpressed, says ��that’s nothing. In Dublin
there’s this pub where the landlord buys your drinks all night, and then when
the bar shuts he takes you into a room and makes love to you.” The Scot and
Englishman are well impressed and ask if the Irishman goes there a lot. He
replies ”No, but my sister told me about it.”
Bad Gums
There was a father and his young son who lived in a secluded village somewhere in central Australia. The boy’s mother had left the father under difficult circumstances, and he had had bad experiences with women ever since. So he took his boy aside one day and told him, “Listen son, don’t go messing around with women, because, you know, down there, they’ve got teeth down there.”The boy listened intently to his father’s advice. Years passed, the boy has grown up and his father has died, leaving him alone. So, one day, the boy ventures to the closest large town, where he goes to a club in search of companionship. He strikes up a conversation with a beautiful young girl. Things are going well, and they end up back at her place. They are about to get into bed when the boy remembers his father’s advice and shies away.”What’s wrong?” she asks. “Well, my father told me that women have teeth down there” replied the young man. “Of course we haven’t got teeth down there!! Have a look if you like.” So he takes her up on the offer. He takes off her panties, and he’s poking around, examining the lady’s most private parts. “Hmmmm. I don’t see any teeth down here, but you should see the state of your gums.”
This little piggie went to the bar
So this pig walks into the bar and orders a beer. He pays, sits there quietly drinking, then orders another. And another. And another and another. This goes one for quite a few hours, and the bartender notices that the pig never visits the men’s room. Finally, the pig gets up to leave, and the bartender asks him how he could drink so much and never visit the bathroom.The pig explains, “Well, I’m the piggy that goes wee wee wee all the way home!”
U so poor
ur momma is so poor she buys your clothes half price at the 99cent store
24 hours in a day…
24 hours in a day… 24 beers in a case… coincidence?
Blush
Why did the tomato blush? cos he seen the salad dressing
Cut It Out
Paddy Englishman, Paddy Scotsman and Paddy Irishman go to see a
hypnotist. All three are hypnotized and come the end of the
show, the hypnotist tells them that when they go home to their
wives the first thing they tell them to do they will do without
any arguments. On the way home they decide to stop off at the
pub first. They have a few rounds of beers and then head off
home.
Paddy Englishman gets home and as soon as he opens the door he
starts falling all over the place knocking everything over. The
wife says to him, “That’s right, wreck the place.” So Paddy
smashes everything in the house.
Paddy Scotsman gets home and gets straight into bed and decides
to have a smoke before nodding off and falls asleep before
finishing it. The wife who was already in bed says, “That’s
right Paddy, burn the place down.” So he gets up a sets fire to
every room in the house.
Outside the house. The 2 Paddies run over to the cops car, to
Paddy Irishman and asks him what happened. He replies, “I went
home and felt a little horny. So I got into bed and her pussy.
Then she told me to cut it out.”
Choice Words on Vale
Things not to say on your Valentine’s date…1. Nice outfit. Is that a wonder-bra? 2. I really don’t like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired. 3. No wine for me tonight. My urologist says it’s not good to mix alcohol and penicillin. 4. I refuse to get cable. That’s how they keep tabs on you. 5. People say I remind them of Eddie Haskell. 6. I used to come here all the time with my ex. 7. I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn’t hurt to consider it. 8. Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn’t hear my voice on the answering machine every hour. 9. I like clay. It’s mushy. 10. I really feel that I’ve grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn’t have given someone like you a second look. 11. And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching contest. 12. I know you said you don’t eat anything with a face. But a good butcher will cut that part off for you if you ask. 13. It’s been tough, but I’ve come to accept that most people I date just won’t be as smart as I am.
A quote on marriage
I’ve been trying desperately to save my marriage for the last 35 years.
More Confucius
- Man who keep feet firmly on the ground have trouble putting on pants.
- If you want pretty nurse, you got to be patient.
- Passionate kiss, like spider web, lead to undoing of fly.
- He who walk through airport door sideways going to Bangkok.
- Boy who go to sleep with stiff problem wake up with solution in hand.
- Couple on seven-day honeymoon make whole week.
- Girl who sit on jockey’s lap get hot tip.
- Girl who sit on judge’s lap get honorable discharge.
- Girl who go camping must beware of evil intent.
- Man who stand on street corner with hands in pockets, not feeling crazy — feeling nuts.
- Squirrel who run up woman’s leg not find nuts.
- He who run behind bus get exhausted.
- Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.
- He who fish in other’s hole often catch crabs.
Dyslexic Agnostic Insomniac
Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac?
A: He lay awake at night wondering if there really was a dog.