Yo mamma is such a bad cook that even the cockroaches throw up!
Author: admin
Monica’s Wish
Monica Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she found a lantern washed up on
the shore. She started to rub it and out popped a genie.
“Oh goodie, now I will get three wishes!” she exclaimed.
“No,” said the genie, “You have been very bad this year, and because of this,
I can only give you one wish.”
“Let’s see,” says Monica, “I don’t need fame, because I have plenty of that
due to all of the media coverage. And I don’t need money, because after I write
my book, and do all my interviews, I’ll have all the money I could ever want. I
would like to get rid of these love handles, though. Yes, that’s it, for my one
wish I would like my love handles removed.”
“Poof!”
And just like that… her ears were gone.
Sleep, Sleep, Nails!
One day 3 dogs wer sitting in front of the vets office. The 1st dog notcies the othher dogs and asked them what they did.”i ate my owners cord” said the first dog.”and im getting put 2 sleep.””me 2″said the 2nd dog.”what did u do”asked the 1st dog to the 3rd dog.’well u c my owner likes 2 do her house work in the nude so yesterday she was vacuuming in the nude of course and i couldn’t resist i jumped on and had the ride of my life.”responded the 3rd dog.”so your getting put 2 sleep 2?”asked the 2nd dog.”no, i’m getting my nails trimmed.”
Mommy Test
A mom was out walking with her 4 year old daughter. the child picked up
something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. The mother asked
her not to do that.
“Why?”
“Because it’s been laying outside and is dirty and probably has germs.”
At this point, the child looked at her mom with total admiration and asked,
“Wow! How do you know all this stuff?”
“Uh,” the mom was thinking quickly, everyone knows this stuff, “Um, it’s on
the mommy test. You have to know it, or they don’t let you be a mommy.”
“Oh.”
They walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but the child was evidently
pondering this new information.
“I get it!” she beamed. “Then if you flunk, you have to be the daddy.”
For the man who has
For the man who has everything. . .
A calendar to remind
him when his payments are due.
Mind
Don’t let your mind wander too far.
It is too little to go out alone!
3 frogs
3 frogs walked into a hotel and asked for a room. The receptionist said ” Down the hall to the right and then to the left.” When they got there it was the bathroom. So one of them slept in the sink, one in the tub and one in the toilet. So the next morning the one in the tub asks the one in the sink ” How was your sleep?” ” Good said the one in the sink then they exchanged. Then they went to the one in the toilet and asked him the same thing he said ” It was good but a log hit me on the head and then it stated rainig.
Grandma
you might be a redneck if your grnadma can properly exicute the sleeper hold
Nuns outside the Whore House
Three nuns were standing on a corner one evening collecting for
the cause. Across the street there happened to be the local
whore house. They happened to notice that Pastor Jones of the
Protestant community sneaking into the place and one of the nuns
whispered to the others, “If only his flock knew he was going
into a wicked place to commit sin…they would be outraged!”
A bit later, Rabbi Rabinowitz was seen sneaking in and the nun
said to her sisters, “If only the Jewish community knew their
Rabbi was in there committing sin with wicked women, they would
be outraged!”
A little while later, Father Flannigan was observed by them
sneaking into the same whore house. “Oh dear,” exclaimed the
nun, “someone must be very sick in there for them to call the
dear Father out at this late hour.”
How to Choose a Wife
There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know which one
to marry. So he decides to give each one $5000 and see how each of them
spends it.
The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She gets
new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the
man, “I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you
so much.”
The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a
television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says, “I bought
these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much.”
The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles
her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests the rest. She
says, “I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love
you so much.”
The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money,
and decided to marry the one with the biggest breasts.
Yo mama is so ugly
Yo mama so ugly people go as her for Halloween.
The snooker player
Q. Why did the snooker player go to the toilet?
A. To pot the brown.