So God calls to Adam and says, “Adam, I have some good news and some bad news.
What do you want to hear first?”
Adam replies, “The good news�.
God answers, “Well, the good news is I gave you a penis and a brain.”
Then Adam says, “OK, so what’s the bad news?”
And God says, “I only gave you enough blood to operate one at time�.
Author: admin
What do you call a guy with no arms and no…
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?
– Russel
Ways to confuse a roommate
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.34. Hide your underwear and socks in your roommate’s closet. Accuse him/her of stealing it.
Question and answer Clinton joke
Q: Why did Ted Kennedy spend four hours in the voting booth?A: He thought he was in a confessional.
Frogs car
What happend to the frog’s car?
It got toad away.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Sister Mathematical & Sister Logical
Two nuns went out of the convent to sell cookies. One of them is known as
Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one is known as Sister Logical (SL). It
is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SL: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past half-hour?
SM: Yes, I wonder what he wants.
SL: It’s logical. He wants to have his way with us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What can
we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is that we have to start walking
faster.
SM: It is not working.
SL: Of course it is not working. The man did the only obvious thing to do. He
started to walk faster too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I’ll go
this way. He cannot follow both of us.
So the man decided to go after Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried because Sister
Logical has not yet arrived. Finally, Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell us what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man could not follow both of us, so
he followed me.
SM: So, what happened? Please tell us.
SL: The only logical thing to happen. I started to run as fast as I could.
SM: So what happened?
SL: The only logical thing to happen. The man also started to run as fast as
he could.
SM: And what else?
SL: The only logical thing to happen. He reached me.
SM: Oh, no! What did you do then?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister. What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn’t it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a
man.
Honeymoon
A fellow was on his honeymoon near his favorite fishing lake and he would fish from dawn to dark with his favorite fishing guide.
One day the guide, friend of many years, mentioned that the honeymoon seemed to be spent fishing.
“Yes, but you know how I love to fish…”
“But aren’t you newlyweds supposed to be into something else?”
“Yes, but she’s got gonorrhea; and you know how I love to fish.”
A few hours later, “I understand, but that’s not the only way to have sex.”
“I know, but she’s got diarrhea; and you know how I love to fish…”
The following day, “Sure, but that’s still not the only way to have sex.”
“Yeah, but she’s got pyorrhea and you know how I love to fish…”
Late that afternoon, thoroughly frustrated the guide comments, “I guess I’m not sure why you’d marry someone with health problems like that.”
“It’s ’cause she’s also got worms; and you know I just love to fish…”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown
I Like the Way You Think
Johnny hated school and wanted to go home. The teacher said, “If
anyone can guess what is in this bag they will be able to go
home for the day”. She hints, “It is hard, round, and red.” One
of the girls raised her hand and replied, “It’s an apple.” The
teacher says, “No, Its a red pin cushion. But I like the way
your thinking.”
She holds up another bag and hints, “It’s round, hard, and
orange.” Another girl raised her hand and replied, “It’s an
orange”. The teacher replies, “No, it’s a orange pin cushion.
But I like the way your thinking.”
Johnny is getting mad because he wants to go home. Johnny says,
“I got one for you teacher. I’m reaching deep in my pocket. It’s
round, it’s hard, and its got a little head on the end of it.”
The teacher got nervouse about where Johny was going with this
and interrupted, “Johnny…” Johnny replies, “It’s a quarter
teacher, but I like the way you thinking.”
your mamma has one big tittie and one small…
your mamma has one big tittie and one small tittie and they call the bitch biggie smalls
your mamma so ugly the shot gorrilliaz in the mist in ther shower
your mamma so fat her nikename is DAY-UM!
your mamma so fat whene i was having sex with
here i rolled over 9 times and i was still on the bitch
The Witch
Two old guys, like 80 yrs. old, went to a whore house and told the woman at the door that they wanted the two most beautiful whores.
The woman was like, they’re old, what are they gonna know. So she sticks them in the two darkest rooms with blow-up dolls.
After they were done, they were walking out of the whore house and old guy #1 says to old guy #2, “How was your whore?”
#2 said “She was horrible. She just laid there like she was dead. Well, how was your whore?”
#1 goes “She was a witch.” #2 responds “What do you mean a witch?”
#1 says “I bit her tit and she flew out the window!”
A1 Steak sauce Advert
The managers of the A1 Steak Sauce company were impressed by their new billboard. It showed a handsome-husband-type seated in front of a large plate of steak and potatoes in a smart restaurant. A pretty, buxom young waitress was standing over him, handing him a bottle of A1. Originally they had titled the billboard, “What Does She Know About Your Husband That You Don’t?”
But after complaints from members of the board, that the ad was too suggestive, they changed the headline.
Now it reads: “He Gets It Downtown, Why Not Give It To Him At Home?
A Rainbow of Devotion
A nun, a priest, an Irishman, a Jew, a Scotsman, a rabbi and a blonde walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and asks, ”Is this some kind of joke?”