ATENCI�N: DIPLOMADO EN FUNCION CEREBRAL

ATENCI�N: DIPLOMADO EN FUNCION CEREBRAL PARA EL HOMBRE DE HOY

Objetivo del diplomado:

Iniciar al hombre en esa experiencia fascinante que es el pensar con la cabeza y no con el…

Requisitos:

Mayores de 25 a�os.

Programa:

El diplomado est� dividido en los siguientes cinco m�dulos:

M�DULO I: Pensar con la cabeza.

1. C�mo platicar con una mujer sin ver su escote.
2. C�mo identificar a una mujer de espaldas sin tener que ver sus caderas.
3. Nociones b�sicas: C�mo evitar una erecci�n en medios de transporte.
4. Aprendiendo a gastar lo necesario en el Table Dance.

M�DULO II: Dependencias.

1. Aprendiendo a ‘vivir’ sin el Viagra.
2. Cocina b�sica: C�mo hacer huevos estrellados sin que se te rompa la yema (teor�a y pr�ctica).
3. Aprendiendo a endulzar tu caf� sin tirar az�car en la mesa.

M�DULO III: Organizaci�n.

1. S� es posible limpiar la mesa cuando se te cae comida.
2. Din�mica de grupo: aprendiendo a servir el jugo del refrigerador en vasos(no incluye material de apoyo).
3. Pr�ctica de campo: T� puedes orinar sin salpicar el inodoro.
4. C�mo levantar la tapa del inodoro (teor�a y pr�ctica).
5. At�nale cuando est�s borracho.
6. At�nale cuando llevas prisa.
7. Cuidado con la gotita traicionera. Aprende a controlarlo (3 sesiones din�micas).
8. T� puedes dejar tus trusas sin sello.
9. C�mo lavar tus calzoncillos.
10. Aprendiendo a tener verg�enza
11. Significado de la palabra verg�enza (te�rico 6 h).
12. Significado de la palabra verg�enza II (te�rico y practico 4 h). Incluye ‘Aprende a lavar tus trusas II’.

M�DULO IV: Televisi�n.

1. �Por qu� la TV no puede ser m�s importante que las mujeres?
2. Todo lo que no puede hacer una televisi�n.
3. Te�rico: 2 h sala.
4. Pr�ctica: Mesa y cocina 2 h.
5. Pr�ctica de campo: cama 6 h.
6. La TV y el sexo.
7. Falta de concentraci�n: C�mo afecta en el sexo.
8. Pel�cula de acci�n: C�mo afecta en el sexo.
9. El f�tbol y la impotencia.

M�DULO V: Abriendo los ojos a la realidad

1. Las tristes realidades: Aprendiendo a aceptarte. Con psic�logos profesionales para cualquier atenci�n inesperada que requieras.
2. La panza no es sexy.
3. Tama�o est�ndar (no eres nada extraordinario).
4. La boca y los hollejos de frijoles.
5. No es lo mismo los tres mosqueteros que 20 a�os despu�s (ni t� lo mismo de hace 5 a�os… ni a los 5 min.).

SOLICITA YA TU LUGAR.

�CUPO LIMITADO!

Clinton driven over the edge

A man on his way home from work at the Pentagon came to a dead halt in traffic
and thought to him, “Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing’s even
moving.” He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of
cars.
So he rolls down his window and asks, “Excuse me, Officer, what’s the hold
up?” The Officer replies, “The President just found out Starr has delivered
another report to the Congress and he’s all depressed. He stopped his motorcade
in the middle of the Beltway and he’s threatening to douse himself in gasoline
and set himself on fire. He says his family hates him and he doesn’t have the
$33.5 million he owes his lawyers. I’m walking around taking up a collection for
him.”
“Oh really? How much have you collected so far?”
“I’ve got a lot of folks still siphoning; but right now I have about three
hundred gallons.”

A1 Steak sauce Advert

The managers of the A1 Steak Sauce company were impressed by their new billboard. It showed a handsome-husband-type seated in front of a large plate of steak and potatoes in a smart restaurant. A pretty, buxom young waitress was standing over him, handing him a bottle of A1. Originally they had titled the billboard, “What Does She Know About Your Husband That You Don’t?”

But after complaints from members of the board, that the ad was too suggestive, they changed the headline.

Now it reads: “He Gets It Downtown, Why Not Give It To Him At Home?

I Like the Way You Think

Johnny hated school and wanted to go home. The teacher said, “If
anyone can guess what is in this bag they will be able to go
home for the day”. She hints, “It is hard, round, and red.” One
of the girls raised her hand and replied, “It’s an apple.” The
teacher says, “No, Its a red pin cushion. But I like the way
your thinking.”

She holds up another bag and hints, “It’s round, hard, and
orange.” Another girl raised her hand and replied, “It’s an
orange”. The teacher replies, “No, it’s a orange pin cushion.
But I like the way your thinking.”

Johnny is getting mad because he wants to go home. Johnny says,
“I got one for you teacher. I’m reaching deep in my pocket. It’s
round, it’s hard, and its got a little head on the end of it.”
The teacher got nervouse about where Johny was going with this
and interrupted, “Johnny…” Johnny replies, “It’s a quarter
teacher, but I like the way you thinking.”

Honeymoon

A fellow was on his honeymoon near his favorite fishing lake and he would fish from dawn to dark with his favorite fishing guide.

One day the guide, friend of many years, mentioned that the honeymoon seemed to be spent fishing.

“Yes, but you know how I love to fish…”

“But aren’t you newlyweds supposed to be into something else?”

“Yes, but she’s got gonorrhea; and you know how I love to fish.”

A few hours later, “I understand, but that’s not the only way to have sex.”

“I know, but she’s got diarrhea; and you know how I love to fish…”

The following day, “Sure, but that’s still not the only way to have sex.”

“Yeah, but she’s got pyorrhea and you know how I love to fish…”

Late that afternoon, thoroughly frustrated the guide comments, “I guess I’m not sure why you’d marry someone with health problems like that.”

“It’s ’cause she’s also got worms; and you know I just love to fish…”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown

How the Bush Administration Changes a Light Bulb

How many Bush administration officials does it take to change a light bulb?

The answer is 7.

(1) one to deny that a light bulb needs to be replaced;

(2) one to attack and question the patriotism of anyone who has questions about the light bulb;

(3) one to blame the previous administration for the need of a new light bulb;

(4) one to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs;

(5) one to get together with Vice President Cheney and figure out how to pay Halliburton Industries one million dollars for a light bulb;

(6) one to arrange a photo-op session showing Bush changing the light bulb while dressed in a flight suit and wrapped in an American flag;

(7) and finally one to explain to Bush the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.

The Time

One morning a reporter from the newspaper came and intervieved a
guy.
The reporter noticed the cat strapped to his arm and he
asked,”Why do you have a cat strapped to your arm?”.The man
replyed,”I lost my watch this morning so i have to wear this”.
The reporter was slightly confused so he asked,”But why?”. The
man replyed in another tone “Watch I will show you.”As quickly
as he said that he squeezed the cat and the cat let out a
piercing sound so loud that the reporter had to hold his glass
of water so it would not break. Just then the guy screamed
across the street ,”SHUT UP IT’S 1:00 IN THE MORNING!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dead scare

A man books a taxi for the airport.

The taxi arrives, the man loads his luggage and the taxi sets off.

Several minutes into the journey the man notices that the driver has taken a wrong turn.

He leans forward and taps the driver on the shoulder to correct him.

The driver gives out an almighty shriek and rolls the car into a ditch.

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Trapped in the wreckage the man questioned the driver, “What the hell happened there mate?”

To which the injured driver replied, “I’m really sorry about that but I’ve been driving a herse for the last 26 years!”