Estan jugando al futbol el

Estan jugando al futbol el equipo de los Elefantes contra el equipo de los Gusanos. A diez minutos del final van ganando los elefantes por 50-0. De repente anuncian un cambio por el equipo de los gusanos y sale el cienpi�s.

Cuando quedan cinco minutos para el final el cienpi�s mete un gol tras otro y al final del partido quedan 50-75. El capit�n de los elefantes se le acerca al de los gusanos y le dice:

“�Qu� portento de jugador! �Por que no lo hab�as sacado antes?”

“Es que estaba terminando de atarse los zapatos.”

Esta es la transcripci�n de

Esta es la transcripci�n de una conversaci�n radial real entre un buque de la Armada de los Estados Unidos y autoridades canadienses costeras de Newfoundland, en octubre de 1995.

Estadounidenses: Por favor, cambien su curso 15 grados al Norte, a fin de evitar colisi�n.

Canadienses: Recomendamos que ustedes cambien su curso 15 grados al Sur, a fin de evitar la colisi�n.

Estadounidenses: Les habla el capit�n de un buque de la Armada de los Estados Unidos. Repito: cambien su curso.

Canadienses: No. Repetimos: ustedes deben cambiar su curso.

Estadounidenses: Este es el portaaviones Abraham Lincoln, el segundo buque en tama�o de la flota de los Estados Unidos de Am�rica en el Atl�ntico; nos acompa�an tres destructores, tres cruceros y numerosos buques de apoyo. Demando que usted cambie su curso 15 grados al norte, o tomaremos medidas para garantizar la seguridad de este buque.

Canadienses: Este es un faro. Ustedes deciden.

Christmas Punnies!

What do elves learn in school?
The ELF-abet.

How many reindeer does Santa have?
11 (named below):
Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen,
Rudolph (the one with the red nose),
Olive (all of the other reigndeer)
and Al (Then Al the reigndeer loved him all).

What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish

What kind of bird can write?
A PEN-guin

Why does Santa’s sled get such good mileage?
Because it has long distance-runners on each side.

Why does Scrooge love Rudolph-the red-nosed reindeer?
Beacuse every buck is dear to him.

What do you get if you deep-fry Santa Claus?
Crisp Cringle

What did the ghosts say to Santa Claus?
We’ll have a “boo” Christmas without you.

ELF#1: What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve?
ELF#2: “OKay everyone, sack time!”

If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do astronauts get?
Missletoe!!!!!

All the same

There was a Jew and a Chinaman sitting at the bar drinking.

All of a sudden the Jew turns and punches the Chinaman in the face, knocking him off his stool.

Stunned, the Chinaman gets up and says, “What the hell was that for?”

The Jew replies, “That was for Pearl Harbor.”

The Chinaman says, “That was the Japanese, I’m Chinese.”

The Jew says, “Well you have black hair, squinted eyes, and buckteeth, it’s all the same to me.”

The Chinaman says “Okay” and sits on his stool and continues drinking.

About a half hour later the Chinaman turns and punches the Jew in the face, knocking him off his stool.

The Jew gets up and says, “What the hell was that for?”

The Chinaman says “That was for the Titanic.”

The Jew replies, “The Titanic? That was an iceberg!”

The Chinaman says, “Iceberg, Goldberg, Steinberg, it’s all the same to me.”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by yisman

10 REASONS IT’S GREAT TO BE A GUY!

1) When your work is criticized, you don’t have to panic that everyone
secretly hates you.
2) You can kill your own food.
3) The garage is all yours.
4) You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
5) You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.
6) Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow.
7) You never have to clean a toilet.
8) You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes.
9) Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
10 Wedding plans take care of themselves.