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Esta es la transcripci�n de

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Esta es la transcripci�n de una conversaci�n radial real entre un buque de la Armada de los Estados Unidos y autoridades canadienses costeras de Newfoundland, en octubre de 1995.

Estadounidenses: Por favor, cambien su curso 15 grados al Norte, a fin de evitar colisi�n.

Canadienses: Recomendamos que ustedes cambien su curso 15 grados al Sur, a fin de evitar la colisi�n.

Estadounidenses: Les habla el capit�n de un buque de la Armada de los Estados Unidos. Repito: cambien su curso.

Canadienses: No. Repetimos: ustedes deben cambiar su curso.

Estadounidenses: Este es el portaaviones Abraham Lincoln, el segundo buque en tama�o de la flota de los Estados Unidos de Am�rica en el Atl�ntico; nos acompa�an tres destructores, tres cruceros y numerosos buques de apoyo. Demando que usted cambie su curso 15 grados al norte, o tomaremos medidas para garantizar la seguridad de este buque.

Canadienses: Este es un faro. Ustedes deciden.

All the same

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There was a Jew and a Chinaman sitting at the bar drinking.

All of a sudden the Jew turns and punches the Chinaman in the face, knocking him off his stool.

Stunned, the Chinaman gets up and says, “What the hell was that for?”

The Jew replies, “That was for Pearl Harbor.”

The Chinaman says, “That was the Japanese, I’m Chinese.”

The Jew says, “Well you have black hair, squinted eyes, and buckteeth, it’s all the same to me.”

The Chinaman says “Okay” and sits on his stool and continues drinking.

About a half hour later the Chinaman turns and punches the Jew in the face, knocking him off his stool.

The Jew gets up and says, “What the hell was that for?”

The Chinaman says “That was for the Titanic.”

The Jew replies, “The Titanic? That was an iceberg!”

The Chinaman says, “Iceberg, Goldberg, Steinberg, it’s all the same to me.”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by yisman

Tough Way to Get out of a Ticket

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A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver’s license?

Driver: I don’t have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner’s card for this vehicle?

Driver: It’s not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: That’s right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner’s card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There’s a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes sir. That’s where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There’s a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

Driver: Sure. Here it is.

It was valid.

Captain: Whose car is this?

Driver: It’s mine, officer. Here’s the owner’ card.

The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there’s a gun in it?

Driver: Yes, sir, but there’s no gun in it.

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there’s a body in it.

Driver: No problem.

Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don’t understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn’t have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Yeah, I’ll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too.

Some things you can’t explain

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A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting hammered. A man came in and asked the farmer, “Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?”The farmer shook his head and replied, “Some things you just can’t explain.” “So what happened that’s so horrible?” the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer. “Well,” the farmer said, “today I was sitting by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the bucket ’bout full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket.””Okay,” said the man, “but that’s not so bad.” “Some things you just can’t explain,” the farmer replied. “So what happened then?” the man asked.The farmer said, “I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.” “And then?” “Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket ’bout full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket.”Man laughed and said, “Again?” The farmer replied, “Some things you just can’t explain.” “So, what did you do then?” the man asked. “I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right.””And then?””Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.””Hmmm . . . ” the man said and nodded his head. “Some things you just can’t explain,” the farmer said. “So, what did you do?” the man asked.”Well,” the farmer said, “I didn’t have anymore rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in . . . Some things you just can’t explain.”

C’est La Vie…

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A Touching poem…..

Sometimes you will cry
and no one will see your tears…

Sometimes you will laugh
and no one will see you smile…

Sometimes you will fear
and no one will see you shudder…

Sometimes you will lie
and no one will catch you up…

Sometimes you will fall
and no one will see you struggle…

Sometimes you will be late
and no one seems to notice…

But fart just one time…

Christmas Punnies!

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What do elves learn in school?
The ELF-abet.

How many reindeer does Santa have?
11 (named below):
Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen,
Rudolph (the one with the red nose),
Olive (all of the other reigndeer)
and Al (Then Al the reigndeer loved him all).

What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish

What kind of bird can write?
A PEN-guin

Why does Santa’s sled get such good mileage?
Because it has long distance-runners on each side.

Why does Scrooge love Rudolph-the red-nosed reindeer?
Beacuse every buck is dear to him.

What do you get if you deep-fry Santa Claus?
Crisp Cringle

What did the ghosts say to Santa Claus?
We’ll have a “boo” Christmas without you.

ELF#1: What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve?
ELF#2: “OKay everyone, sack time!”

If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do astronauts get?
Missletoe!!!!!