Author: admin

An Erie, Pennsylvania executive with a new young wife and a yen for golf
decided about December one year that he couldn’t take it any longer. So he
said to his wife one evening, “Honey, next Friday we’re going to Hilton Head
for the weekend. We’ll get a condo on the golf course and I’m going to play
golf all weekend.”

“That sounds fine,” she purred. And, sure enough, next Saturday morning at 6
a.m., found him on the golf course, all alone. After playing two holes, he
noticed a man carrying a golf bag walking toward him across a fairway. The
exec. waited, and the other man arrived, saying, “Mind if I play along?”

The exec. said, “Fine. Glad to have the company.”

All went well for a couple of holes, until each approached the sixth green.
When the new fellow laid down his clubs, the cover came off one club. The
exec. noticed, however, that it wasn’t a club at all. It was a high powered
rifle.

“Whoa,” he said. “That’s a high powered rifle!”

“Look,” said the other man. “I’m not out to cause any trouble. If you want me
to leave, I will. No hard feelings.”

“No. No,” said the exec. “I’m just curious as to why you have a high-powered
rifle in your bag.”

The other man pondered for a moment and then said, “Well, I’ll tell you. It’s
my business. It’s what I do for a living.”

“Wow,” said the other. “I’ve heard about guys like you, but I’ve never met one
before.”

“Still want me to play?” said the other.

“Sure,” said the Erie exec. “As a matter of fact, you know, I do a little
hunting. Would you mind if I look at it?”

The other man showed him the rifle. It was beautiful–an inlaid Weatherby with
a huge powerful scope mounted on it.

The exec. picked it up, looked through the scope, and said, “Gee, I can see the
window of my condo with this thing. Matter of fact, there’s my wife.” He
lowered the gun for a moment and said, “she doesn’t have any clothes on.” He
looked through the scope again. “Damn, there’s a guy with her.”

The Erie exec. lowered the rifle and looked at the other man. “How much do you
charge?”

“$10,000 a bullet,” said the man.

The Erie man thought for a moment, and said, “Do it.”

“Which one?” said the hit man.

“Both,” said the exec.

“That’s $20,000, you know.”

“I don’t care. hit ’em both.”

The hit man took two cartridges from his bag and loaded the rifle. “Where do
you want me to get the man?” he asked.

“You know where to hit him,” said the exec.

“How about the woman?”

“In the mouth. She’s always flapping her gums anyway.”

“Ok,” said the hit man as he raised the rifle. Taking careful aim, he clicked
off the safety, but then he paused and chuckled. “Mister,” he said, “I think
I’m going to be able to save you ten thousand dollars.”

An old woman is riding the elevator in a very lavish New York City Office
Building. A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator and smelling like
expensive perfume turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, “Giorgio – Beverly
Hills, $100 an ounce!”

The next young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also very
arrogantly turns to the old woman and says,”Chanel No. 5, $150 an ounce!”

About three floors later, the old woman has reached her floor and is about to
get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the
eye, she bends over, and farts – and says, “Broccoli – 49 cents a pound.”