Your Momma so ugly when she was born the doctor turned her around and said ” Look Twins”.
Author: admin
Toughest hooker
One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a Lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into a saloon in the nearest town.
“I’m lookin’ for the meanest toughest and roughest hooker in the Yukon,” he said to the bartender.
“We got her” replied the bartender. “She’s upstairs in the second room on the right.
The miner handed the bartender a gold nugget to pay for the hooker and two beers .
He grabbed the bottles, stomped up the stairs, kicked the door open on the second door on the right and yelled, “I’m looking for the meanest roughest and toughest hooker in the Yukon.”
The woman inside the room looked at the miner and said, “You found her!”
Then she stripped naked, bent over and grabbed her ankles. “How do you know I want that position first?” asked the miner.
“I don’t replied the hooker, “but I thought you might want to open those beers first.”
Free Samples
Yo mama so dumb she took free samples back to the store for a
refund.
Circumcision
Two five year old boys are sitting in a hospital waiting room. One leans over to the other and says, “What are you in here for?”The other says, “Circumcision.”The first boy says “Oh, man! I had that done right after I was born. I couldn’t walk for a year!”
Single Black Female
This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed. It is reported to have been listed in The Atlanta Journal.
SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I’m a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips,cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I’ll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy, I’ll be waiting…
Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week-old black Labrador retriever. (Men are so easy).
stupid joke for stupid people
yo mommas so dumb, she tried to drown a fish
oooooo i know..stupid
Philosophy of life
My philosophy of life is very simple:
When everything looks it’s darkest, it’s time to turn on the lights.
Witness to an Accident
A witness to an automobile accident was testifying. The following exchange took place between the lawyer and the witness: The lawyer: “Did you actually see the accident?”The witness: “Yes, sir.”The lawyer: “How far away were you when the accident happened?”The witness: “Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches.”The lawyer (thinking he’d trap the witness): “Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?”The witness: “Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and measured it. I knew some stupid lawyer would ask me that question.”
One liners
Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
Well, aren’t we just a ray of f***ing sunshine?
Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
A hard-on doesn’t count as personal growth?
Don’t bother me. I’m living happily ever after.
This isn’t an office; it’s hell with fluorescent lighting.
I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
I pretend to work, they pretend to pay me.
Therapy is expensive; popping bubble-wrap is cheap. You choose.
I like cats too. Let’s exchange recipes.
If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I’ll put shoes on my cat.
Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
And your crybaby, whiny-arsed opinion would be…?
See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
Allow me to introduce myselves.
Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
Better living through denial.
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
Blonde and ironing board
whats the diffrence between and an ironing board the blondes legs are easier too open
Plane crash dilemma
there was a plane in the sky with 4 people on it. There was a pilot. a boy, a priest, and a genius.All of a sudden the pilot ran into the cockpit and yelled “we are crashing! grab a parachute!”They opened the storage compartment but only found 3 working parachutes.The pilot quickly grabbed one, put it on, and jumped out the door. the remaining three were trying to decide who should get the other 2.the genius said “well, i’m a genius, and i can contribute a lot to the world” so he grabbed one and ran out the door.Now only the priest and the boy were left. the priest turned to the boy and said ” boy, you are much younger than i. You should take the last parachute, save yourself””no” said the boy, “we can both be saved because the genius took my bookbag” ===== From Cara 🙂
“I want a divorce!” boomed the loud Texas…
“I want a divorce!” boomed the
loud Texas oilman. “That wife of mine ain’t acting right”
“Well J.P.,” said the lawyer, “A wife is like your oil rigs, you have to take
care of it and treat it well.”
“But still, I should still get certain drilling rights.”