“Yes” = No
“No” = Yes
“Maybe” = No
“I’m sorry.” = you’ll be sorry.
� We need” = I want
“It’s your decision” = the correct decision should be obvious by now.
� Do what you want” = you’ll pay for this later.
� We need to talk” = I need to complain
“Sure… go ahead” = I don’t want you to.
� I’m not upset” = of course I’m upset, you moron!
� You’re … so manly” = you need a shave and you sweat a lot.
� You’re certainly attentive tonight” = is sex all you ever think about?
� Be romantic, turn out the lights” = I have flabby thighs.
� This kitchen is so inconvenient” = I want a new house.
� I want new curtains” = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper…..
� Hang the picture there” = NO, I mean hang it there!
� I heard a noise” = I noticed you were almost asleep.
� Do you love me?” = I’m going to ask for something expensive.
� How much do you love me?” = I did something today you’re really not going to
like.
� I’ll be ready in a minute.” = Kick off your shoes and find a good
game on TV.
� Is my butt fat?” = Tell me I’m beautiful.
� You have to learn to communicate.” = Just agree with me.
� Are you listening to me!?” = [Too late, you’re dead.]
� Was that the baby?” = Why don’t you get out of bed and walk him until he
goes to sleep.
� I’m not yelling!” = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.